goodbye...

It takes me a while to let go. I just needed some extra time to say goodbye. While on a digi chat with almost 500 women, I put this layout together and I think I am ready to move on. Ready to move on from 2009 and the women. With everyone typing at a million miles a second, it doesn't take long to get a little crazy. Creative therapy is great but one can get too much of a good thing.

As I was putting this layout together, I got little glimpses of the past year. Layouts that I had long forgotten. I think the final total of pages was 221 for the year. Went to Shape Collage and with one little button, all 221 were automatically collaged. It took all of 30 seconds. I did this by hand a few years ago and it literally took hours... another thing to say good bye to. I could not have imagined Shape Collage back then. Course at the beginning of 2009, I couldn't imagine a lot of things that now are a routine part of my day. Now, I am wondering what will be of my everyday a year from now.

We pay our newspaper subscription by the year and it is due to expire next week so yesterday I called and canceled the newspaper. They asked why and I told them. I am tired of reading 4 day old news, it is time to move on. Twitter keeps me updated and if you know me, instant gratification isn't fast enough. .

This time last year, I almost bought Apple TV for $300. Thought it would be a great deal, renting movies to watch on demand. If I had a hankering to watch Vince Vaughn, I could. Little did I know, when DH bought his TV last summer, a laptop would do the same thing for free.

Lots of things to say goodbye too. Don't need a New Year's Eve, I imagine there will be more changes coming well before 2011 comes knocking on the door. Ready or not, goodbye is coming more and more often...

the tiger in each of us...

When Annie Liebovitz took the “raw, never-before-seen photos” of Woods back in January 2006, Woods had just come off a 2005 season that included wins at the Masters and then at the U.S. Open — the 10th major win of his career. That season he topped the money list for the sixth time in his career and was ranked No. 1 in the Official World Golf Rankings.

Moreover, these achievements came on the heels of knee surgery and a massive retooling of his swing. Photos of Woods at this stage of his career, looking unlike any other golfer on the links, should have been newsworthy in their own right. But obviously, they weren’t. It took a massive scandal for Liebovitz to be able to dust them off and get them in print.

What a wild ride this guy has been on. I have no sympathy for him but do find some empathy for his position. He wanted to play with the Big Boys with all the benefits and little thought about not being above being caught. When the tiger comes out in each of us, we all get caught eventually, it is just that most of us don't have the resources to cover it up so thoroughly. Funny that eventually, we all wind up on the same playing field.

When I saw that Annie Liebovitz had taken this picture in 2006, it set me back. Then, I got it. This is not the Tiger we thought we knew but really was one of many Tigers. How fast his Tigers fell and his life is now in complete turmoil.

Whether he and his wife reconcile or not, he will have to come to terms with all his Tigers. The good and the bad. We are a black and white people, not because of color but because we are a people who knows what to do and don't. From weight to drugs or lying, we are all the same. We are shadow and light, we are wrong and we are right. Being a good person(or a great golfer) one day doesn't make up for being a cheat or liar, the next day.

None of us is perfect. We all hurt those around us. There are tigers in each of us.

There but for the grace of God, go I....and someday, it may be your tiger's turn...

365

In the photo and scrapbooking world, there is this 365 thing. Angie asked me tonight if I was going to participate this year. I tried it several years ago and for me, it was somewhat of a nightmare. I am glad I did it because I thought it would be something that would be fun and it was anything but.

There is also Miss Ali's One Little World. You pick a word that will be your focus for the next 365 days. Again, I have done this but find that life it too fluid to focus on a task and too complicated to commit to a single belief.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring...or really, what the rest of this day will be. I might take 50 pictures one day and not pick my camera up for the next 5. A word may make me focus in the meantime but I need to be flexible because I may need a completely different word tomorrow.

If you haven't done a 365 day project, I suggest you do. Your experience may be complete different from mine...but if it isn't, I don't want you to feel all alone. It is ok if you struggle and want to quit, The thing is, at the end - you win either way. You will have a memory and will have learned something about yourself. There is no right or wrong here. There is no pass/fail. There is only an opportunity to learn more about what works for you...and what doesn't. That is always well worth the effort.

We are a funny people. We do better at these kind of projects when others have either joined us or act as cheerleaders through the process. I knew I was in trouble by day 8. I have spent the last week trying to encourage those who are ready to cross the finish line. I remember being where they are and my mind had already left the building. I put the photos on a CD, my friend made a coffee table book of hers. We both started at the same place but the finish line looked completely different to the two of us.

The only commitment I have made is a prayer deal with God. Any time, any place, anybody. I don't care their politics, religion or lifestyle. Prayer not for a new car or a Get Out Of Jail Free card but for finding the Love of God to be what they have been looking for. Prayer for one to crawl up in God's lap for some comfort. The offer last for the rest of my days. Whether He ever asks me again, no matter I will be ready but no pressure. If He never takes me up on my offer, I am good with that too.

Life is good when you know when to hold em and when to fold em. When you learned what works and what doesn't. Each of us needs to be ok with the way we roll...I know I am...

wink...

Wink - A brief time; an instant.

A new little fun site for 2010. Check out Wink, a photo strip that you make and send to anyone. For $2.50, they will send your personalized photo strip (in hard copy form) to the person of your choosing. The possibilities are endless and you don't have to worry about stamps or cards or envelopes. A fun little thing that just might make some one's day!

A brief time, an instant. Our world can go from extremely good to terribly wrong. Reading a book I got from DD, Mark Batterson's - based on 2 Samuel, 23 chapter, verse 20 and 21.

There was also Benaiah... Another time he chased a lion down int a pit. Then despite the snow and slippery ground, he caught the lion and killed it...

His point is that most of run away from lions, don't chase them Normal people don't embrace lion chasing. He goes on to say...

I wish I could tell you that every lion chase ends with a lion skin hanging on the wall, but it doesn't...what sets lion chasers apart isn't the outcome.

From where I sit, there doesn't seem to bit much difference in Real Life for those who call themselves believers. We focus on the outcome because of fear. We pray with an expected outcome based on our own scale of the good we have done.

What sets believers apart isn't the outcome.

We already know how it ends, for each and every one of us. We really want to believe that everyone, except those we determine need to have an early exit, should live to a ripe old age of 90 or so. When our prayers are not answered and a baby dies or someone dies at the hands of another, we go into defense mode and question every belief we hold dear.

So, here is the deal. We are here for a brief time, and can be gone in an instant. In the wink of an eye. That tells me, to get out there and chase some lions. Oh Lord, here we go...

Well, hello there!

There have been a million Stories I wanted to tell you over the last 10 days and most of them I have forgotten now. Apparently they were Moments to be lived and not documented or, I just ran out of paper. However I believe that the Stories that need to be told, will eventually and in my journey of living in the Moment, sometimes they just fall in your lap - like this morning in church.

In the bulletin,

Found - Canta4 Model 470-D Behind the Ear Personal Hearing System. Contact church office for more information.

What other information could they have that they haven't detailed? Sounds pretty precise to me. Wish I help find this person - sounds like they could use some right about now.

It was 14 years ago today that 3 families met in my family room to have a church service. We sang, listened to the preacher and ate spaghetti. We had no idea what we were doing. The preacher hadn't preached in 3 years and had no intention of going back into the ministry. DH and I had no church making experience. Spaghetti I could handle and next Sunday, the 3 families will get together again for our 15 spaghetti dinner. Miss D tells me the first one to respond to the email was her oldest son. He is a grown man with a wife but sounds like he is either hungry or ready for another dinner. At last year's dinner we mainly talked about technology and how it affects the church today. This year, I can wait to hear what Zac thinks with Twitter and FB. I am so there, can't wait.

Go back 53 years, to my first memory. I am five and waiting outside for my dad to get home from work. I just know he will understand my plight and get me to where I need to be. I can't go back into the house...when he gets home and I explain in detail, I expect my suitcase will be packed in no time and I will get to go to my grandma's house - hopefully for good but my pleas fall on deaf eyes and I do go back into th house. What scared me was hearing my mother in German ask my Oma, who the 2 children are? and My Oma telling her, they were hers. She disagreed and stared at us. What I didn't understand at the time was she just been thru shock therapy and most of her memory was gone. None of that mattered to me. I was scared of her and wanted out. I don't even remember thinking about my sister, it was purely self-preservation.

Now, fast forward 25 years to my God journey, I had brought question after question to my friend, to answer before I signed on the dotted line with Jesus. The turning point came when I asked, Will I ever have to see my mother again?, and she said no and I was in.

I am less sure of that answer today and it still scares me but it is a different kind of scared. The mother subject comes up every once in a while and I take it in little chunks. The cool thing is, it in in small doses and it isn't always in front of me. That is the way this Jesus thing works. If anything is being shoved down your throat, you can bet it is not from God because when He is around, He makes it known. It is not His style to shove, cram or manipulate. It is also not His intention that you do the same.

I don't know what 2010 holds. Have been hearing alot of negative about 2009 but I just don't see it. Each of learned something this year, What to do or not to do. It was a year of learning and re-learning. I don't see it as a drag at all, not in the least. So, here we go. One step in front of the other. Whether baby steps or a full on run, I am ready. Bring it....thanks Jesus, who else could take this mop of a girl and make her whole, only You Man, only You...

santa and me...

So Dh's friend takes us out to dinner last Friday night and guess who was at Chapala's? I guess I imagined that Santa would have bigger fish to fry than to be greeting at a little Mexican restaurant in our little town but he talked to us like we were old friend. This just makes me smile. That I got him to sit with Santa is such a big deal. Oh my.

This man has worked 7 days a week for quite a while not. Excluding a few frantic days at Thanksgiving, he has not had a day off since the first of July. He had been working toward getting some help the last month and the powers that be decided that this was the weekend. He has a very physical job. He crawls on top of railroad cars, days and nights and works in environments that most of us wouldn't even walk through no less, linger.

I worry about his physical health along with his spiritual health. That all disappeared when the tears started flowing at church after Oh Come Let Us Adore Him. We each have a Place where emotions are raw and feelings run deep. As long as one can access that Place with little difficulty, all is good.

Coming down to the wire now. The parking lots of all stores are filled and finding a spot is tough. I will try tomorrow to not only brave the crowds but hope to make a friend or two. Went to a My Favorite Things party at DD's tonight and as we each shared, there was a camaraderie that wouldn't be there any other time of the year. The word, Magical was used several times. It is in the air.

Merry Christmas my dear friends. I love you all. May you and yours enjoy these Days that are overflowing with much of everything. If there is any empty place at your table this year, remember the good times and make new memories. Blessings and will see you next year - Jan 3. love zalaine.

the giving tree...

Went to DD's church today. Eric Clapton's favorite guitarist, Caleb Quaye. Have heard him before at their church but this time, he was all about Christmas music. It was amazing and we have been listening to his CD all day.

Speaking of his cd, I was making my purchase and the guy ahead of me was told he better have exact change because, well, just because. He didn't have enough small bills so I told the lady add his to mine. He didn't want to and gave me what he had. He and his wife told me they would find me next week and give me the rest. I told them I was just visiting and Merry Christmas. It was the right thing to do, no matter what time of year.

I noticed when I walked in that the foyer was filled with food. Boxes it this and cases if that filled the floor an spilled over in other nooks and crannies. When I headed into the church, there to the left was one large tree. Under the tree, wrapped all around the tree in layers, were shoes. All different kinds. All different sizes. Neatly stacked pairs of shoes. I was in awe of them. I imagined where they would go and what they would see. I wonder about those who would receive them and what their Stories were.

Pastor Doug talked about receiving and how you have to receive from God before giving to others. He likened it to holding unopened mail in your hands. Until you open it, you haven't received it. You own it but that is not the same as receiving. It was a wonderful way to end a most wonderful service and when I left, I stared at the shoes again. Twice. What a sight. What a gift. Man, I love Christmas. Now, if we can have these great ideas in December, nothing says we can't in January. Let's give it a try...

tidings of chaos and jail...

Those warm fuzzies feelings of peace on earth, goodwill toward men is officially over. We have entered and will stay in the crazy stage between now and Dec 25.

Every year, we vow to do things differently and we REALLY mean it but when chaos comes in, we all revert back to our familiar default with new intentions for Next Time.

Due to no fault of her own, DD finds herself hosting a party tomorrow night for the mothers of Miss M's preschool. It wasn't suppose to be this late or at her house but here she is. I knew that trying to have a non family party on Dec 21 for 50 women was at its best, a huge undertaking and that the numbers would be few but what I didn't' see is that because of the numbers the venue would have to change because of finances and because she lived in town, the hosting would fall to her. In turn, her DH will have to take the kids out for while all this merriment is going on. A big deal for all of them, not to mention all the preparation of food and house.

The men in her life helped by doing some touch up work and I will be there in the AM to put the finishing touches on the decorations and the refreshments before heading home to enjoy the fact that there is no hosting going on at my house. Let's face it, for most of us - hospitality doesn't come naturally. Whether your think your home is not big enough to not having the money for extra food/drink, hospitality is a chore. It really is too bad - most good people don't care how big your house is or if the entree is spaghetti made with Prego. They are just excited to be invited to the place you call home. Eating with people is a Big Deal. Jesus did a lot of socializing and eating. It is a privilege every time someone invites us into their personal space.

I am very proud of my girl. She took a less than ideal situation all around and will provide a warm and wonderful place for the few that will come to her home tomorrow night. I hope they walk away with a little part of the warm fuzzies she has put together so when they get back to their personal spaces, that they too may experience tidings of comfort and joy for themselves...