July 20, 1069...

A week ago, I couldn't tell you where I was 40 years ago on a given day. I couldn't tell you where I was last week! but that all changed last week when in an instant, I knew. Without a shadow of a doubt and with unbelievable, clarity.

It was the summer of 1969. I had graduated on June 13 from Pacifica High School in Garden Grove, California and a few weeks after that had a Beach Day that changed the summer of 1969 and whatever plans I had. It had to do with no sunscreen and a all over body burn that landed me in bed for over a month which was where I was when the first man walked on the moon on July 20. I can't remember what part of that month but it was closer to the beginning than the end. I couldn't wear any clothing and had huge blisters and acres of skin that kept peeling off. It was a nightmare and not a great way to start my new independence from high school. I can remember thinking this was probably how my life was going to play out - a series of bad choices filled with painful consequences. Sunscreen wasn't a big deal in those days and I was an idiot but that night, I remember.

I was most certainly living in the Moment because while watching and thinking how cool, I didn't think past that. What would be next? Where would we go as a country? It was mainly, OH...bright and shiny...and ouch, that hurts Don't' think I thought much more about the whole moon thing after that, just went back to trying to get out of bed and get something going.

Little did I know that 28 years later, to the day - my only child would be married and that 40 years to the day, I would be having a full-blown sleepover at my grandkids home so said child and hubby could celebrate their 12th anniversary. It will be a night of whatever and a morning of several breakfasts. I am nothing if not the perfect short order cook.

Wish I could have told that poor girl stuck in bed with much pain, how it was going to turn out. Wish I could have let her know, the worse was behind her. She would be able to make her own choices and while there would be times of anger and craziness, the real craziness - the kind she had no control over and couldn't escape was about to get alot better. I would tell her, if you think this moon thing is awesome, JUST WAIT and see what is coming. It would be hard to almost impossible to take in, like if God hadn't of given us free will and sent the Plan of our lives down to us.

From there to here in 40 years...who could have imagined and this is just the Beginning... PS. gone on Monday, will be back on Tuesday!

retirement...

The kids each have a popa Steve. It worked well for picking a middle name for Keaton but fell apart when Gage was on his way.

Grandma Sue has a Steve
nana has a popa,

Sue's popa
and nana's popa.

Popa Steve retired yesterday. Sue's not mine. They celebrated with a family dinner last night and the boys couldn't understand why we weren't coming. They understand and will tell you, as they did yesterday in trying to figure this all out, that they are 1/2 Dille and 1/2 Smith. They also know their mommy is all Dille and their daddy, all Smith but we do so much together with the Smith's, the lines blur for them. They think I am all Dille and we will have THAT talk another day. Gage has been absolutely fascinated with the Story I told him about my mother. He has asked about her all his life, and I lie to him. He will look me straight in the eye and ask me if she was nice and I will hold his stare and lie through my teeth and say yes. For now, that is the only way it can be but I did tell him the Story I heard several times growing up.

Germany, WW2. My mother was a young woman and own her way home from work, she was chased and shot at by the Americans. Different versions have had different details but the jest of it was she dodged the bullets and kept running until she got to her apartment and was safe, Her mental problems have been blamed on this and a few other incidents. Gage can't get enough of this Story and has shared with Grandma Sue and whoever else will listen. The one he doesn't know is when a bit later, her apartment complex was bombed and they had to get out fast. The neighbor upstairs had a baby and my mother ran up the stairs, grabbed the baby who was on fire and ran down the stairs. When she got outside and unwrapped the baby, all that was left was ashes.

I don't and never will know how much, if any is true but it would explain a lot. Popa Steve is a pilot. First commercial, then UPS. He has flown all over the world. I imagine he will have lots of Stories to tell the kids once he settles into retirement. I also imagine it will take some time to sink in. Over the years, he has miss many birthdays, holidays and soccer games just not of his gk but his own sons. The other reality is retirement. It means you are entering another chapter. It makes you face your mortality, like it or not - here I come! It must be a bittersweet experience, one I am glad I will never have to have. Being downsized was a way better way to go, but I would have loved to see the firetruck shoot over the plane as he came in for his final flight. I wish for a great retirement for popa Steve only I wish it was nana's popa...

create...

For me, creativity comes in waves. Not unlike waves of nausea during flu season. Something will click and I will not be able to turn my mind off. I did the photo treatment of Miss M on Picnik. It is a free site with the ability to upgrade for some cool effects and a easy way to fix and edit your photos.

Another site that makes all this digital scrap booking site so creative is Fotofusion.com. You can play for free but not print (they put their watermark on the photos). If you like collages, this program is fantastic. You can crop, enlarge and fix most anything in this program. Automatic drop shadows and if you don't like the look of the collage, just hit the Auto Collage button and it will rearrange all the pictures in totally new configuration, Just plain cool.

I have told you about Photofunia.com - just love them and they keep adding more and more templates, The new one today was the Gallery with room for 5 photos. I see a lot of potential with this one.

If you are needing some digital freebies, Ikea Goddess.com makes the round of free goodies most days. Lots of styles - something for everybody.

And the typewriter from Holliewood's Queen Bee kit(Oscraps.com)After the yellow layout, it is showing signs of being a book. There are already 2 layouts with more coming - I can feel it.

Today, the inspiration was flying off the shelf. The layouts and photo editing ideas just kept coming and coming. I expect that will not be the case tomorrow so I enjoy it while I can knowing that one can't live on the mountain - top every day. I wouldn't want to even if I could. How would you ever learn to love living in the valley...

offer...

If you have never heard of Donald Miller, you are missing out. Grab Blue Like Jazz and hole up until you have read it. Be prepared to throw out a lot of what you believe, mainly the warm, fuzzies of being a follower of Jesus.

They make it look so easy, so desirable - like all the bad stuff goes away. it doesn't. You don;t automatically quit smoking or over eating. In fact, it will probably get worse. I don't remember the part in the bible where we were to go to out and ask everyone, If you were to die tonight, would you go to heaven or hell? or that we have this great, free gift for you = all you have to do is accept it and all will be well. This isn't about getting a free two liter bottle of Coke for nothing - just sit back and enjoy. It is not like that and those who say it is are liars. If you don’t have people around who will tell you, you stink - you are dead in the water, says Jerry Seinfeld. I think this could be true in more areas of our relationships than we think.

DM is right, so a few others like Anne Lamott. If it was simple and easy and fun, you would still only have a small percentage sign up. We are a fickle people and value has layers which all have to be useful for us to even check something out. I take Miller's position, it is going to take a long time and it is going to be rough but will have geniune value. Still interested?.... If there is still one who can say,I want to see what you guys see. I want to know why you are hanging in there. Where's the value for you...We invite you to share the journey. We don't have answers but we will honest and will stand with you whenever you need us. We can't pray the pain away but will help hold you up as you go through it. It is really all we have to offer - anybody offer you more, run away baby, run away...

going to church...

Got up yesterday, intending to go to church but didn't want to. Really didn't want to, on so many levels. Had pictures to play with, wanted to know who was preaching, don't like to go by myself and a million more things going thru my head. I'm not sure when I made the decision to go or ever what that process looked like but at the appointed time, I grabbed my journal and Diet Coke and headed off.

Got my seat and everything lined up and life was good. Then my friend showed up and said she had volunteered to greet and I heard the words come out of my mouth, I'll help you! Who said that - certainly not me. I had greeted some 13 years ago when we were a small group and decided it was not my gift and never did it again but here I am - greeting.

Say Good Morning, hand out a bulletin. It really wasn't so bad. Some couples prefer to share and some want their own. I am sure after a while you would remember who wants what. Some who don't want one at all, tell you they can't read which makes them seem like a bad comedian. Just say you don't want one - would you really rather appear illiterate than own up to not wanting a bulletin? Really?

With two greeters on either side, you have the Huggeing Pastor in the middle. I avoid him, every chance I can. I will decide who hugs me and he is not on the list but it did give me a chance to see how other people react. There were those like me who took an instant dive to the right or left to miss the hug but there were a great many more who ran into his waiting arms. Little kids, and big kids all wanted a hug from Pastor Hugger. Like they had been waiting all week for it. Like they couldn't live without it. After a half hour of greeting and hugging, I had a better idea of why I wasn't home, playing in Lightroom.

For whatever the Reason, my attitude was a bit different coming out of church than going in. Will it make it easier next time I go? I think not. I am not looking for easier, or even an explanation. There are signs everywhere ( Thanks L) of why people have a hard time going to church. These two are across the street form each other. The thing is, it's not about the people or the music or the politics - it is about Jesus calling the church, His Bride and try as I may, I have not found a way around it. You don't have to like it to go, you just t\have to go. You might learn something about yourself or Him. That I am up for...

cropping...

If you send a photo to be printed, SOOC ( straight out of the camera) to a photo lab, they decided what part of the picture to keep and what to crop. I learned that the hard way. Only took once and from then on, I have cropped and resized my own photos. I choose the size I want and make my own 11x14 or 8x10 or whatever size I need. do my own cropping or enlarging, then send the saved file to Costco to be printed.

You resize - you choose
They resize - they choose.

How much and where,
Completely different look and feel.

Our lives work very much the same way. We can choose or we can let others choose - either way, we have to live with the consequences. Either you have to step up or step back. Knowing which direction to go and when to go, is the key. Sometimes it is better to hand over the resizing, not to people but to the One who made you. His cropping is at times, painful and hard to see why but in the end, someday it will make sense. Letting people pick for you is not always the right way to go but we sure give them the power, more often than we should.

Today, I am going to crop Gage's photo before I upload it to be printed. I am feeling pretty good about that. I love this face and know it well. How it looks hanging in a frame at my house can best be decided by me. It is the One who gave him to me that did all the cropping before he got here. Can't wait to see what else he has for this boy. I have high hopes that this boy will get it right more often than not. While he is in his MJ moonwalk phase, he sings Awesome God with more emotion than you could ever imagine. That is good enough for me...

July 9, 1999...

That was long day, a tense day. When he wouldn't come out and went in to fetal distress and the doctor started barking orders, I got scared, For my girl and my grandson. A friend of ours had her baby four days earlier - but he wasn't due until September and there were many touch and goes for them. I never thought about that I wouldn't get to be with my girl and see my grandchild born until all the commotion and she was whisked off for an emergency c-section. I would have to wait until someone came and told us they were ok. They didn't come fast enough, fear took its sweet time and went after me. By the time, I knew everyone was ok, it was too late. My mind took a while to calm down. My girl didn't wake up like she should so we had to take care of him until she could which was late into the night.

He has been such a joy. He is the kindest, most sweet boy I know. It is his nature to care about everyone and their feelings. He will give, trade, whatever is needed with his sister and brother to keep the peace. He has taught all of us the true nature of Love - I will never be able to thank him for all he has taught me, all he has shared with me and all the Love, he has shown me.

Happy Birthday Keaton, I love you to infinity and beyond - I hope you have a wonderful day and that we can show you half the Love you have shown us...love nana.