gratitude...

I am going through a Frank Sinatra phase. I'm talking serious. A $9/20 songs commitment. I have a few Old Blue Eyes crooners on my Pod but this is full out, dressed - I am heading back to the fifties.

There was no Frank played at home. We were a Louie Prima and Jerry Lee Lewis kinda of house. Nancy Wilson was there a bit and lots of blues were all well stock in our musical pantry. AFter my parents split for good, my uncle moved in and brought his crazy with him and we added Wilson Pickett, The Isley Brothers and Johnny Mathis to the mix.

DH and I went out to dinner the other night at a resturant that did not ask, would you like fries with that? He needed a big steak and I needed to hear Frank Sinatra playing in the background. At once, I decided I needed a new phase and I am now well on my way.

Editing photos to Frank is so delicious. I LOVE photo editing and when the music is right, wow. When you have pictures like this to edit and the person LOVES them - that is even more fun. Quite a night at my house.

In the midst of all this fun and frolic, there is always the flip side. The side of Real Life that you don't want to hear. The return diagnosis of cancer, or another job or house loss and at this time of the year, another empty place at the table but they too are a part of all of life, and they too, have to be given their due.

Starting this week with a renewed mind set and keeping Frank close by. The fifties were a gentler time. The world outside my home was a safer place to be than inside my home but now, it is different and I have the both of best worlds and I never, ever forget it...

show and tell...

N is for nana.

I was Show and Tell today.
not at Show and Tell but it. I was it.

When Miss M found out the letter N was the share letter, she picked me. Wow, she picked me.

Never a question or other candidate. N is for nana.

So I showed up at preschool and during Share Time was introduced to the class. We talked a bit about nanas and grandma and their roles in our lives. I explained that nana's usually had stuff in their pockets and pulled out some yummy pink lipgloss for my favorite preschooler. There was some talk about passing me around but we decided on high fives instead.

You haven't lived until you have been chosen as the S&T. You have got a lot of Love going on to be chosen. There are so many other ways she could have gone. Nose, nails, the number nine or nests. So many to pick from and she chose me. I am flying a little high, in case you can't tell.

Afterwards, she went off to a playdate and I went to Cabela's to do my Gage Christmas shopping. Pick her up a few hours later and together we went to pick her brothers up from school. A great day.

Gratitude doesn't begin to explain how I feel. I know how lucky I am and I am going to embrace every Moment of it. No time to be timid or humble. Nothing but love. In teh words of Sally Field's, They love, they really love me...

home...

Never did we expect to pay such a high price at home." -Lt. Gen. Cone at Fort Hood memorial

Home is suppose to be a safe haven. It is where we run to at the end of each and every day. Home lets us stop and get a bit of perspective before going out in the cold, cruel world...but when home turns on us, where do we go.

Coming from a place where home was anything but safe, I can tell you that you can, with a lot of work, make home safe again. The way I feel about home now is now, a good one. It is all the things a home should be and more. A place to talk, cry, confess and just be. A place for the tears to come and be healed. A place that in the Moment is one that I know the way to. It is also the Place that I understand the bigger meaning of Home.

The Home we will go to Someday. The home where there will never be a balancing act between good and bad. A place that will always be safe, always be exactly what we have imagined. Short of being in our real Home, the ones we have here, will do just fine.

I am not talking about furniture, or carpet or art. I am talking about those that make it a home. Where someone has taken it to heart, what a home should be.

There are 13 families today who never imagined that their loved one's would die in this manner. They were there to protect each and every one of us. Sometime home is not safe. Sometimes, home is cruel and is filled with unusual punishment.

Just a reminder that from Moment to Moment, we jsut don't know. When you get home tonight, look around and give yours a hug. A big hug...

blur...

Blessed are those who on a regular basis have a dark day in which despair seems to be a step behind them wherever they go.Rob Bell

I have learned to accept the fact that some of my photos are going to be blurry. I have also learned it is not all my fault. When you shoot moving children, that is just a fact. That is the way it is and the sooner you understand that, the sooner life gets better. You go through each batch, throw away the ones you can't fix in Lightroom and move on. It use to be like pulling teeth to throw these photos away. The What If scenario would play for days in my head. No more. I get it now. One less thing on the old hard drive.

The same goes for Real Life. In Real Life, the blurs are called expectations. Take people for example. We expect alot from people. People we know, people we love, people we admire and people, we don't even know. If you think about it, we really have no reason why we should. The first chapter of Genesis starts out nice enough but it goes awry in short order and goes down hill from there. The people that God chooses for what very well be the most important event of their lives, well, seem to screw it up more often than not. The blur has been there from the start but somehow, we choose to ignore it. It's not in every frame but you could play a pretty good game of Whack A Mole as it pops open pretty regularly.

I took several pictures of Gage and Keaton and Gage is blurry in every one. He was too busy checking out everything to have hsi picture taken but when he showed some interest in Slim Whitman, I had to pull out my camera. Gage thought Slim looked interesting but quickly lost interest in my explanation and had to move on.



That's ok with me.
I understand Gage
and blur...love them both.

Slim Whitman, not so much...

hope, Part 2

http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

This is what hope looks like. If you know Stellan's Story, check out MckMama's blog. Depair to Hope in one day. Never give up...

hope...

There is a strip mall church right by DD's house and right next to Sonic. Needless to say, I pass by there often. They do the cutesty sign thing that irritates me so but last week, I just couldn't shake it.

Jesus - an alternative to despair... Really, so let me get this straight. No Jesus, Despair everywhere and with Jesus, no despair. Doesn't sound right to me. There were daily Sonic runs last week and there would be that sign. We are a hit and run culture. Stop light attention spans, you have about 5 seconds to get our attention and then we are off to the next thing.

I got home and after being mad that this sign was ruining the whole human race, one sign reader at a time, I went over to Wikionary to see the proper meaning of the word despair even though I already knew what it was and it said,

despair To be hopeless; to have no hope

I stopped in my tracks. My definition of despair was a bit different. The sign was right, I still didn't like the working but it was right. When you choose to accept that Jesus is who He says he is, life doesn't automatically get better, in fact, it can and often does - get worse but the one thing that does come with Him is hope. Part of what He offers is hope. Not that everything well now be hunky dory (did I really just type that?) Everyone will be and stay healthy, bills will all be paid and husbands will remember anniversary's complete with flowers and a cellist.

The part that we need to take ownership of is to accept that we are no longer hopeless. That there is hope that Someday, it will all make sense. In that hope, our part is not only to accept it but live it. The understanding of hope is what made me do a 360 turnabout in capital punishment. It was a long process but I finally decided that because of the hope I had come to believe it, I could defer my revenge. That is how I feel now, I hope I always will.

Speaking of hope, Stellan is back in the hospital and surgery is going to happen soon. It is less than ideal and more than very scary. Stellan Story is one of hope that I have been able to sharing and learn about hope in the midst of what I thought was despair but isn't. As long as there is hope, despair can't be. It is one or another, no matter how the Story goes or ends - we get to pick which one we will live...

Shelbie Lynn...

It was over 15 years ago that Shelbie and her mom came to live in our home and hearts. We had no idea how much she would come to mean to us and because of a series of more events, she was destined to be with us for a short time.

As you can see, she stole our hearts. We were smitten. After staying with us, we would still see her when she and her mommy would move in with our DD. It was a wonderful time and I remember tell God, if I never got my own grandchild, having Shelbie in my life was enough...and I really meant it.

She was the delight of our lives and we couldn't wait for the next time we would see her. It was more of those wonderful Surprises that you don't see coming and are living before you realize it. By then, you are totally sucked in and loving it.

The last time I saw Shelbie's mommy was quickly in passing at the Extreme Makeover thing with Ty in Middleton a few years ago. So I knew which town she had moved too but we didn't get to exchange any more information. I had brief thought about wandering the streets of Middleton in hopes of running into them. With little information to go on, my idea quickly faded.

Friday's mail brought a card with the familiar handwriting that I instantly recognized. Remember the old days before email? You knew who your mail was from because of the handwriting, didn't even have to look at the return address, you knew. Inside was a wonderful card and pictures of Shelbie and her sisters. She is driving now, hard to believe and a soccer star. I sent off a card and pictures of Keaton, Gage and Morgan and hope that we will do a coffee run sometime and catch up. I would love that.

There is always someone to Love in this life. You never know who is going to come your way. The only thing you can do is be ready. Open your heart, take it all in and be ready for anything. Nothing last forever but Love...

Once in a Lifetime...

Imagine never having to imagine.

Wedding package for 50 guests.
Once-in-a- lifetime wedding ceremony inside the Magic Kingdom Park with Cinderella Castle as your backdrop
Private planning session with celebrity weddingplanner David Tutera
Custom-designed dinner reception, surrounded by Disney magic.
"Kiss Good Night" dessert party with decadent sweets and a spectacular custom- designed wedding cake
Magic Kingdom Portrait session, plus photographer and videographer for the wedding day.
Bridal couple enjoy four nights deluxe accommodations at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort & Spa.

All for only $198,000... oh, and you have to be a member of Sam's Club. Sounds like a deal to me - where do I sign up?????