everyday random

the Jesus recipe...

2012-02-02T01:41:00.001-02:00

Becoming a Christian might look more like falling in love than baking cookies. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that in order for a person to know Jesus they must get a kind of crush on Him. But what I am suggesting is that, not unlike any other relationship, a person might need to understand that Jesus is alive, that He exists, that He is God, that He is in authority, that we need to submit to Him, that He has the power to save, and so on and so on, all of which are ideas, but ideas entangled in a kind of relational dynamic. This seems more logical to me because if God made us, wants to know us, then this would require a more mysterious interaction than what would be required by following a kind of recipe.Donald Miller.

Falling asleep. Heard a Story about someone's friend who before coming to Jesus, described going to sleep at nighte as a big, black hole thing. The implication was after coming to Jesus, it went away. I have a slight problem with those kind of Stories, they may happen that way but it smacks of a fear factor to me. Some of us didn't have that experience. For some of us, being a non-believer was much easier than being a believer. Better, no but no horror Story surrounds it. My experience, being raised an athesist, was far from that. I never thought I was missing Something. Never felt God. Never lost one night's sleep because of the darkness of the night., never.

Does that mean He wasn't there? Absolutely not but if we are going on feelings and black holse, we have to be honest. Is it easier to be a believer? No. Do the fears, go away? No. Is it worth saying all those prayers, reading all those parables, trying daily to love your fellow man? ABSOLUTELY. I wouldn't trade it for the world but I have got to be honest, one can be completely and utterly comfortable, until Jesus comes knocking at your door. Until He knocks so loud, you hear him. Then, you have to make a decision. Then the ball, is in your court...

introvert...

2012-02-01T01:06:00.003-02:00

shy
1.Easily frightened.
2.Reserved; coy; disinclined to familiar approach.
3.Cautious; wary; suspicious.
4.Embarrassed.

introvert
1.Possessing the characteristic property of an introvert. Preferring the internal, satisfied with self, lacking interest or comfort in social interactions.

anti social
1.Unwilling or unable to associate normally with other people
2.antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing
3.Opposed to social order or the principles of society; hostile toward society.

I have taken all the tests, (like I needed to) and the results are always the same. Am more comfortable with a few people than at a party. Need lots of quiet time. All true. Do not fit the doesn't like confrontation ideal but we are all a little bit of everything. This article from Bryan Walsh in Time magazine, felt like I was home.

I'm in the bathroom of the American Embassy in Tokyo and I can't leave. Somewhere in the elegnant rooms beyond, the ambassador is holding his annual holiday party. Diplomats from around the world, U.S. military personnel and reporters are mingling, sipping Champagne and picking at hors d'oeuvres. As the Time's Toyko bureau chief,I should be there, trolling for gossip or mining potential sources.

And for 20 minutes or so after arriving, despite the usual nerves, I did just that.But small talk with stiff-backed strangers,...Send me to a famine or a flood and I'm comfortable A few rounds of the room at a scoial event, however, leave me exhausted. So now and then, I retreat into the solitude of the bathroom, watching the minutes tick by until I've recovered enough to go back out there...

DH thinks I trend toward anti-social and I think we all do, from time to time. Not related to introverts and excluded from the extrovert side. We all go through times when we would love to line up our fellow man and slap the youknowwhat out of them. Mr Walsh goes on to talk about it is an extrovert world, tough at times for an introvert to navigate. The quiet kid is strongly encouraged to, Get Involved. There is nothing wrong with stretching outside your comfort zone all the while, acknowledging that these personalities are part of our DNA.

Be true to who you are ,but spread your wings a bit. Learn to recognize and be comfortable with who you are but never, ever stop being a student. The more we learn the better our lives...

la nina...

2012-01-31T09:36:00.000-02:00

Here we are, the last day of January. Tradionally here in the Northwest, a time of doom and gloom. Inversions are our thing and we can go more than a month, without seeing the sun. That has not been the case this year.

La Niña, the weather phenomenon widely blamed for withering drought in the southwestern United States and South America, will last into the Northern Hemisphere spring of 2012, the U.S. Climate Prediction Center said on Thursday.

"The latest observations ... suggest that La Niña will be of weak-to-moderate strength this winter, and will continue thereafter as a weak event until it likely dissipates sometime between March and May," the CPC said in its monthly update.MSNBC

Every year, people from all weather climate opinions and prefrences, someone is going to be disappointed and downright over inconvenienced. This year, it is the snow people. Just last week the local ski resort got enough snow in less than 24 hours to open and try to recoup some of their 2 million dollars loss this season. Will they be able to go until April is unknown but by the looks of the sun who has been out everyday since that snow, I am guessing not.

It not affects skiers but sellers of All Things Snow. Tires, clothes, sports equipment - everyone suffers but that is what happens when you put all your Making A Living egg in one basket. I am sorry, hope you put back a few bucks when business was booming last year but I make no apologizes for my love for la nina, the wonderful sun and a big lack of the white stuff. I could not be happier. Not one little bit...

hold em tight...

2012-01-30T02:50:00.000-02:00

About halfway through class this morning, someone came running in and asked for my eye doc friend. It appeared that someone had a heart attack in the during the church service and they needed help. The other two docs we have were not in this service and a nurse who was in the nursery, didn't know what was going on.

Today was our 17th spaghetti dinner. Sixteen years since 13 of us started this little church. Still going strong, in fact, apparently we have outgrown the new building and the neighbors are leaving notes, that cars are parked everything. From a church's standpoint, a good problem to have but practically, a nuisance in the present. Before lunch, PJ went up to the hospital see how B was doing. His color was good and he was orney as ever which is always a very, good sign. He is an older man and not his first medical rodeo. The day could have easily ended, very differently. The dinner went on with good company and great conversation. A good day, indeed.

As those in the santuary waited for the ambulance, the unknown was lurking pretty close. Lots of different thought going through minds and hearts. Dr T held it together, continued with his lesson while I had a hard time concentrating on what he was saying. I prayed for the one down and those attending him. As the paramedics attended to B, the pastor prayed for them. Nothing like an emergency to put us straight. We shouldn't need this lesson but it seems you do. We have short term memories and forget everyone doesn't get to live to 100. Imagining that everyone in that service, held their families a bit closer tonight. it's just the way it is...

YouTube...

2012-01-29T04:13:00.001-02:00

For every minute that passes in real time, 60 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube...

That is 5 months of video every hour.
That is 10 years of video every day.

More video is uploaded to youTube every month than has been broadcast by the big TV networks in the past 60 years.

And the pace is accelerating, last year the rate was only 48 hours per minute.Time.

It is a mind blowing Story on the details of how YouTube works.

Which is why, while you and I blow off work to watch a monkey ride backwards on a pig, a small army is fighting a ceaseless battle, Sysyphean war to keep YouTube from collapsing under its own weight.

Director of User Experience, is how Margeret Gould Stewart's business card reads. Her job, is to create a container that will fit all of YouTube's vast diverse content. In other words, she is always redesigning how the background of YouTube appears. The background color which was white, is now gray because gray brings out the color in photos. Who'd a thought?

Parts of our world are literally, going at speeds we will never be able to comprehend. It makes me dizzy. It also makes me happy. Anything is possible, anything...

hearing...

2012-01-26T05:44:00.001-02:00

In a class last week and heard a few Somethings that set me off and it has taken a few days to dissolve the anger.

We all have buzz words that catch our attention, good and bad. The good ones just repurpose what we always know and love. One walks away, feeling all is right with the world, that we aren't crazy and that the sun might just come out tomorrow. The bad ones, bring a whole different set of feelings.

Walked away from class, with a chip on my shoulder and ready to set the speaker straight. After a few days and lots and lots of thinking, it occured to me that any constructive criticism or debate, was not worth the fight. Sometimes, I am not so great at picking my battles. There are some things that we have to hear and learn to dismiss and Someday, ignore.

Combine those triggers with your own personal history, it may be you. What someone means and what they say, can be two completely different things. Our emotions and interpretations are just that, they are ours and ours alone. I bounced off my thoughts to DH and he brought some clarity to my thinking, which just proved my point.

We are all only a boatload away from a heap of trouble when we try to save the world. Poppa, Keaton and I had a great discussion a few weeks ago about superheros. Who they are, what each of the powers are - a fascinating conversation. We talked about what superpower we would each most like to have. I choose invisiblility. To be a fly on the wall, it is the introvert in me that would make this, fabulous. If you would ask me the same questions this week, it would be that those bad triggers would run off me, like wet on a duck. Now that, would be pretty darn super...

social security...

2012-01-25T10:43:00.001-02:00

The appointment was for 2PM today. A fact finding mission because DH has been listening to co-workers and had a heap of bad information. Before the appointment even began, I got in trouble. The nice,security guard - ok, if you need a security guard at the SS office, what has happened before? So, no food or drink allowed so I can keep my bottle of Diet Coke but I can open it. Gotcha. Then I pull out my camera, and she comes running over to tell me not only can I not document this momentous occasion, I have to delete the photos I took inside. Outside is ok, inside is not. Tried to be on my best behavior for the rest of the time before the appointment.

Wasn't even sure we had an appointment. While I repeatedly trying to confirm the location and by location I meant city and state of the appointment, the last thing the SS agent asked was, What state are you calling from? Since I would find out today that the phone number for the local office was incorrect so there was no way short of showing up early to confirm, yeah or nea. I warned DH that this might be the case and not to leave work before I called him, full expecting I would have to take him out for ice cream if there was no appointment but we got lucky.

Limited to a 1/2 hours, we asked our questions quickly, took notes and are formulating a plan. It means some shifting of money and kind of a shock that because of DH BDay, his check will hit our bank account, the 2nd Wednesday of the month. Will have to realign but certainly is better than the horror Stories he has been bringing home for the last few months.

As I sat in the chair watching this whole new season of life, it hit me - We are not in Kansas anymore. I didn't see this coming. It was almost a Place of looking inside, through the window while standing outside. Like it was happening to someone else. A reality check that said, some never live long enough to be in this season of life. You are one of the lucky ones.

I walked away, feeling like I had just come back from visiting a different planet. As one realizes that we are all hurling toward death, no matter what your age - it is a humbling experience but deciding that is is not how much time you are here, but what you do with that time. Cherish each day, what a gift...

favorite...

2012-01-24T01:25:00.003-02:00

If I could get us all together, I would have a party! Not a lotion or cooking party but a my favorite things party. DD and I did this a few years ago and am itching to do it again. So, in the Here and Now, let's do this thing. A list of 3 physical things and three internet things. This is what mine looks like...

Image 3D - Remember those old 3D Viewmaster toys? With the endless reels of every conceivable character ever invented? Now you and yours can blow those characters out of the water. Upload 7 photos of your own choosing and they will send you personal reels of babies, birthdays, holidays or anything else you can think up. Got the first set for the fam at Christmas and they loved it. Plan on adding Miss M's birthday, next. Image3D.com

W.E.L.D.E.R.(iTunes) - my favorite app. Not usually a word game fan, this one has captured my heart and time. With 61,594 words in its vault, the words you think it would know, don't always make the cut and leaves you wondering, why. It is a great example of life in that you have to live in the Moment. There is very little time to set up potential words because every time you score a four letter word, some that you didn't even know exist, the tiles fall and your future plan is foiled. Love.

Sarah Vowell - my favorite author. She found a way to make me want, to learn about history. Her books are filled with humor, an obvious love of history and you will walk away, amazed. I have read most all of her books, time to have another SV treat coming my way.

As for my internet picks, this is where my head is today.

Momentjunkie.com - Don't care who you are, how old you are, or what Season of life you are in. Women always can relate to a wedding and this site will bring a rush of emotions. To capture an emotion is a second is a wonderful thing when you are the wedding photographer. It is a high not unlike one that comes with a package of Hostess Cupcakes but with no calories. It is a great place to treat yourself and share in the Love.

Tastykitchen.com - which is Pioneer's Woman site is the best recipe site I have found. Recipes are added daily, there is Something for everyone. I check it everyday and have a mountain of recipes. The newest recipes are always on top, a great site with fabulous ideas for your palate.

Positivelypresent.com There are very few of us to whom, being positive comes naturally and for those who do - it is a God-given gift. A beautiful place to refresh and renew and remind yourself, that you are worth it.

Wish we were doing this over delicious snacks with lots of laughter. Would be taking notes of your lists and loving learning more about you from your choices. While constantly changing and learning and growing, sharing our journeys though favorite things is jsut another way, we connect...

trending 2...

2012-01-23T03:24:00.001-02:00

While on the subject of trending, here are a couple of things trending on my radar at the present Moment...

Kickstarter... If you haven't heard of it, you may be interested if you are the creative type and just need some funding for your big idea. To raise capital to get your idea out and about, Kickstarter lets anyone become involved by donating to the cause. There are perks at every level of involvement. Great idea - kickstarter.com

Freemium... Make money by giving apps away and then, charging for add ons. This idea has taken the App Store by storm. Give the people what they want, and they will buy more. Works best at the app store, in Real Life, not so much but is a fascinating study in who we are and how we think.

Lastly, I love. love to ask questions. Of family, friends - I am always asking questions to know them better, to collect what we think and see how universal we really are. Thoughtquestions.com goes a step further, adding a photo for inspiration. Somedays, life is about asking the what if questions. A little bit of dreaming and learning more about ourselves, it never a bad thing and who knows? There may be some great answers you never saw coming that could change your life...

trending...

2012-01-22T11:08:00.001-02:00

Saturday night was pretty quiet. Not much going on, checked on Twitter to see how the Crazy South Carolina Party was going and up popped a tweet about the death of Joe Paterno, the disgraced football coach from Penn State. Reported first by the college newspaper,Onward State and later by CBS News, Breaking News and the Huffington Post.

A few minutes later, the tweets were retracted. The editor-in-chief of Onward State apologized and resign his position after both sons tweeted that while gravely ill, their father had not passed away.

One thing you can say for technology, as fast as news comes - when it is wrong, the corrections come fast. Faster than we could ever have imagined. At least once a week, there is a tweet proclaiming the death of a celebrity or statesman that has 20 more tweets responding that it isn't so.

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

Mark Twain quotation after hearing that his obituary had been published in the New York Journal.

Mistaken publications of obituaries aren't as rare as you might expect. A recent example is of Dave Swarbrick, the British folk/rock violinist, who was killed off mistakenly by the Daily Telegraph in April 1999 when they reported that his visit to hospital in Coventry had resulted in his death. He did at least get the opportunity to read a rather favourable account of his life, not something we all get to do, and to deliver the gag "It's not the first time I have died in Coventry".

Nothing new under the sun, it's just that the sun is going a whole lot faster now...

accept...

2012-01-19T18:17:00.001-02:00

The Occupy Boise camp was voted off the government island yesterday. The same day that winter officially started. The first snow of the season officially came yesterday and its cousin, rain, is here for a while.

On Tuesday, the SnowIsComing stories were everywhere. As I sat in my kitchen, soaking up the last of the sun, I couldn't help but smile. We have had a good run. Having sun in November, December and Janaury is unheard of here, yet it was. It was warm, sometimes even hot. Those of us who need more sun that others, were well aware of the miracle that followed us into the months of Dark. We took nothing for granted and knew that soon, the dreaded white stuff would be on its way.

It hasn't been to uncomfortable for the occupers either, until yesterday. Those with cardboard houses must be living in a mess. Maybe others will share their plastic huts with them or they will go home, leaving the cause behind. I am with the government on this one, camping in a non-camping zone is not a God-giving right. Time to find their own land, and make their own rules.

It has been quite a week. Ready to pull up my big girl panties and accept winter on its own terms. Just as you and I like to be accepted for what and who we are...

laid or paid...

2012-01-18T01:05:00.001-02:00

What is the most brutal reality of life? It’s this: It’s not about us. It’s not about you, and it’s not about me. If we don’t get laid or paid, it goes on in all it’s brutal beauty. It goes on to water and feed itself, the sweetness of it goes on as a mother nurses her child, as a father swims with his son off the rock-shore of an inlet. It goes on with or without us. How much of our beliefs, the Biblical and un-biblical that we cling to are really about convincing us that wherever we go, life goes. When we die, life will move to heaven? No, it will not. It will have been there, and when we go there it will remain here too. Gratitude, then, could be arrived at by joining life rather than pulling life around us like an applauding audience. It applauds for sure, but it isn’t clapping for us. It’s asking us to clap with it, in joinful joy. Donald Miller.

Before I read Donald Miller's blog, this is where my head was...

the cable guy forgot to hook my office TV when he was here, now I have to wait for him to come back.

the biggest snowstorm since 1985 is suppose to be here tomorrow by 5am, my days of sun are gone.

DH has his 12 hours day today, long day for me.

If you can't hear it, there is a bunch of whining going on there. After letting DM words soak in for a while, I felt ashamed. Really, I said to myself. the all about me thing hit too close to home. Way too close.

If we don’t get laid or paid, it goes on in all it’s brutal beauty.

Regrouped. Life is looking a bit different, yet nothing has changed. Cable guy still isn't here, sun is still shining and DH won't be home for hours. It is not that our circumstances have to change, it is us. Wow.

XO...

2012-01-17T01:03:00.002-02:00

Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

If I sign Something with an XO, and at the time, I truly mean it. But that kind of love, costs me ...nothing. Love that looks like a noun, with no love is cheap love. Does it mean it doesn't count? No, but there isn't much root in that kind of Love.

We are always in love with Something, from ice cream to football. At any given moment, our love is being directed at a person, place or thing. A song, a cookie, a book or iPad. That kind of love doesn't prepare us for the work of True Love/

True Love hurts and Sometimes, it hurts bad. Like marriage, parenting and many other of life's sports, it takes action and courage on our part. We have to embrace some things and let go of other things.

We have to give up what we expected love to look like and look at it for what it is. It is not about how we feel at any given moment. I would have sold DH many times over if love was only about feeling. Good and bad, thick and thin. There is more to it than a capitalized XO. Much, much more...

chauffeur...

2012-01-16T09:55:00.000-02:00

Missed a great shot the other day when I was driving. If you think texting and driving shouldn't be done at the same time, watching me get a camera out of my purse while driving, would scare you to death especailly if you were driving next to me.

Today, my chauffeur was at the wheel when I saw him and made a mad dash to capture it. Wondered what the dog was thinking. Wondered if his owners bought the van with him in mind. Wondered if he was standing on anything. Wonder if he was worried. Or, if he was just like me. Happy to be out and have someone else drive me around. I'll bet, it was the latter...

growing up...

2012-01-15T03:38:00.001-02:00

One of the realities of 2011 hit me in last quarter but wasn't made clear until the beginning of 2012.

My kiddoes are growing up. Of course I knew this and had made some adjustments. Trying to learn to give them their space but found out they still like to be cuddled more than I thought. I ask permission more often to take there photo and in general, try not to embarrass them.

Mostly the days of helping with sick kids, or running to doctors visits is over. Each one has social commitments that take up whatever time school and homework doesn't. If I get to see them during the week, it is a Big Deal but it is all part of growing up, for them and for me.

So, I find myself in this limbo. Could try to get a job but with Stevie soon to be home, I want to be here to figure that out and honestly, enjoy sharing our world together, whatever that will look like.

The point is we all need to change and grow and it usually isn't very comfortable. We go from the frantic life of raising kids and working jobs to an empty nest. Then the nest becomes full again. Then the nest empties. A fluid life cycles where we seem to forget everything we know and have to learn all over again.

Feeling good that I am moving forward and whatever that looks like will be a new chapter and knowing that a hug is always near...

letting go...

2012-01-13T16:08:00.001-02:00

DH has begun the process of letting go of 45 years at his job. He didn't imagine at 18 that this is where he would be. It was to be a short tern job. Art and San Francisco was where he was headed. Military, school, work and finally me came along and changed his plan.

The last few months have been taking up by training the four who will take over for him. By ending his one man show, times like this - the phone thing will be a thing of the past. He and by he I mean me, have endured this telephone thing for years. Before cell phones, we were tied to the house because of his 24/7 commitment. I have not so kiddingly said I imagine that our phone number is written in most bathrooms between Here and There.

Not just those at the plant but truck drivers looking for directions off the interstate. Many of them wanting to unload on off hours and being told, they would have to layover, like it of not. Can't tell you how many nights he has had to jump out of bed and fly out the door. Hard to believe he is not a doctor just the Keeper of All Things, French Fries. McDonald's may seem like just a fun place where the Hamburglar used to live but is a strong, task master.

Last weekend, we took Keaton to a fancy brunch and yet again, the phone rings. We have all learned that our lives go on and no longer wait for him. Birthdays, holidays even brunches have left us with no option.

Now on the eve of change, I wonder how difficult it will be for him when he does retire. He may be the head honcho at work but all that stops, soon. We have been practicing our soon to be new life. He knows all about Happy Hour at Sonic, and other game changers. I think it will more difficult than what he thinks. Barking orders at me won't work and while he knows that with his heart, his head may take some convincing.

But, what I won't miss the most is that phone. The one that doesn't faze me anymore when it goes off in the middle of the night - multiple times. I will not miss him having into scream into the phone at 3am because someone called from a Place where the noise level was off the chart. It is all coming to an end. Between Now and That day, the end is in sight and Someday, a phone ringing in the middle of the night will be what it always has been, sa sign of Things To Come...

bookshelf...

2012-01-11T04:54:00.000-02:00

One downside to the ebook revolution is the end of the bookshelf as we know it. Despite our growing elibraries, there is just Something about seeing a wall of books that you have kept because they struck a cord in your world.

Long ago, the bookshelf at my house was dubbed, the Zalaine Dille Memorial Library. I save books not for me but for them. Some of the greatest ideas, thought and gems are sitting on this shelves. There are books that will make them laugh, make them cry and make them think. Collections from writers who left such an impression with me. Robert Fulgrum, Madeleine Engle, Brenning Manning, David Sedaris. Books that came at crucial Seasons of life. Books that taught me the value of seeing past what I believe.

While I understand that they will not read every book and even if they do, they won't walk away with the same lessons I have learned. They will have to make their own way but with this wealth of knowledge left for them, it is hard to believe they won't find themselves along the way and that is the best thing I could ever hope for...

sustainable...

2012-01-10T01:51:00.000-02:00

It is already the 9th of the month and statistically, many of the resolutions that were made at the beginning of the month, are long gone.

We have good intentions, we really do.

This time, it is going to be different.
This time, I have the willpower/faith/attitude, and I want it.

A few weeks later, this isn't doable.

I believe that alot of what we do to yourselves, sets us up for failure by being unsustainable. If you start with Something that can not become a permanent part of your life, for whatever reason, you are already doomed.

Going to pick on NutriSystem and love on Weight Watchers.

One depends on eating their food.
One depends on eating your food.

One changes only the food you eat - habit.
One changes the way you eat food.

One is not based on a lifetime of sustainablility.
One is.

When you change a behavior, it needs to make sense. It also needs to be uncomplicated. Saw a new nail gun on TV that is suppose to be the cure-all for hanging photos but what happens when the nails run out? One of those Only Sold On TV deals that won't be around in a few months? We all don't need more gadgets in our lives, unless they are sustainable.Unless they bring, long term change. That is what is will make all our efforts, not in vain. That will bring change and peace and success and goodwill. Every thing else is just grabbing merciless for Something to make us feel better. Personally, I don't need one more of those kinds of deals in my life...

wrong...

2012-01-08T23:21:00.000-02:00

Don't jump! Being wrong isn't worth it! It will get better!

Most of us have the same feeling, while standing on a cliff. The idea of being wrong and admitting it is more than most of us, can bear.

It feels fatal

Most of us spend much of our time, gasping for security...That was the statement on the radio. We are so desperate to not feel anything bad, that the cost seem to justify the means to an end.

As my crazy, darling husband stood on the edge of the cliff and was a very bad influence for my grandson, I tried to see it from his view. All I wanted him to do was to get back down but knew that first, he wouldn't and second, it would be a great icon shot. His fearlessness is not mine. I have learned a bit from him but my natural mama bear - itis, tells me that Trouble, is never far.

What am I wrong about and what does that look like? I can tell you I am wrong about lots and lots of things, but understanding to be open about it is the first step to freedom and a chance to be better, every day...

parable...

2012-01-06T03:27:00.002-02:00

A parable is a succinct story, in prose or verse, which illustrates one or more instructive principles, or lessons, or (sometimes) a normative principle. It differs from a fable in that fables use animals, plants, inanimate objects, and forces of nature as characters, while parables generally feature human characters. It is a type of analogy. Wikipedia.

I want to write a parable this year. Not sure what it will look like but this description gives me a place to start.

I didn't know what a parable was until I was a Big Girl. Reading bible stories, I started to get a bit excited at these stories that said so much but weren't true or real. They made sense, made a point and always made you walk away, with something you could sink your teeth into. Food for thought, if you will.

Maybe Kryptonite. Wow, what would that look like. Wouldn't have to look far for a person to fit that bill. Maybe something to remind me that I am human when I have forgotten which happens often. The more street photography I do , the more I empathy I feel with my fellow man. Still blown away by some people's normal, I find myself bouncing back soon and not emotionally, staggering around the room.

Isn't the what Jesus was trying to say in his parables? Whether about fields of crops. or wages or more to eat and drink, these were not feel good Stories where everything was right in the end. The prodigal son may be my favorite. It has more drama that most TV shows now. Unfairness, brother against brother, pigs and slop - the things we love to see on reality shows but now so much in our real lives. Think inspiration is coming...

January...

2012-01-05T02:25:00.003-02:00

January comes with its own expectations. Resolutions, a new attitude - lots and lots of expectations. Add your own to the mix and now, you've got a heap of trouble.

Yes, it is a natural break and we have nothing else to do. Waiting for W-2 and spring is not all it is cracked up to be. The sun was shining again today, with no sign of snow in site. Almost makes one giddy.

Dh and I have been talking about the 21 day thing. You know, the one where you can change a habit in 21 days. I know lots of nice people try to help with encouraging words and projects but the truth is, most 21 day plans fail. We are not 21 day kind of people. We are forever kind of people. If this was not true, then we would all be a lots skinnier, lungs would be clear and our pocketbooks would be oozing with the money we learned to save. 21 days is just a start. A little start. Any habit/thought/theme that brought you to a 21 day program, is going to be a lifelong commitment.

It is not going to be automatic,
You are going to struggle,
and no magic beanstalk is going to make it better.

Change Something if you ready to. Not because Someone else wants you too. Accept that is will be an everyday commitment. Know that you will have to fight uphill most days, but that some days will be easier than others. Start small, don't try to switch out everything at once and look out for January. She may not be the best one to trust, let her know who is boss and then find a way, to live together. 21 days is the beginning, not the end...

living the dream...

2012-01-04T01:47:00.000-02:00

No, really. No sarcasm here. Weather wise, this is about as good as it gets for this Cali Girl. With the exception of less than a week, we have had sunshine every day for as long as I can remember. No snow or signs of snow. No winter here. 45 in January feels like 65.

Wearing shorts when at home and the flip flops aren't packed away, you never know. Have been having wonderful memories of Palm Springs. Was there a few times as a kid and loved it. When I think of Palm Springs, I think of white, huge houses. White, inside and out. White walls, white floors - white everything. Having Palm Springs to think about on a 45 degree day in Idaho, is about as good as it gets in January.

Bogus Basin, our local ski mountain is covered in grass. They have not opened and see no opening date in the near future. The loss to them daily, $100,000 dollars. Nothing to laugh at. With no snow and very little rain, water will be a huge issue come spring but for now, for me - living the dream is just that and much more.

occupy Boise...

2012-01-03T01:05:00.003-02:00

The 2011 Word of the Year - Occupy.
With all the Occupy cities that are so much a part of our news, decided to head downtown and see what the 5th and Jefferson site was all about. Maybe 4o tents and only saw three men, Dh and I walked around and took in the sights. Laundry hanging from makeshift drying racks. The Porta potties were a surprise. Not sure who is paying for them. Two of the men were putting up a tent and as we left, the older explained that the news had been there most of the day and he asked if I was trying to save history for posparity. I told him, I was recording this history for my grandchildren. He seemed particularly happy with my answer, nice to have his approval.

Walking around their compound reminds you of the things you take for granted. Whatever their own personal reasons for being there and making this commitment, when it is winter and in the Northwest, it is cold. While we haven't had any snow, the nights have been in the teens and lower. Say what you want, not sure what I would have to believe in to make that kind of physical commitment.

After we got back in the car, DH explained this sign. Back in the 30's when life was crashing around every one, tent cities, rose up. Named Hooverville after the President-in-charge, A way to connect, a way to band together, a way to protest. History really does repeat itself, but it is our job to pay attention and learn. Stay warm, Occupy Boise and thanks for the history lesson...

25/30...

2012-01-02T01:31:00.001-02:00

Christmas Eve.
25 people, 30 pounds of prime rib.

Quite the evening. Fabulous meal and then off to church. Even if there was no other Christmas activities in your life, being in church Christmas Eve with your arms wrapped around your grandgirl and hearing her in all her 6 year old self - singing Oh Come Let Us Adore Him, with vigor and enthusiasm usually reserved for all things American Girl doll, is all you would need to make Christmas the best one, ever.

Cousins are a fun thing to look forward too. Catching up since the last family dinner, picking up right where you left off. Opening presents, sneaking one or two or many, Buckeye Balls. it is all part of the ritual. One we all look forward too. Especially the man who took home three bags of prime rib leftovers. Guess what? After four days off and a lot of holiday goodies, his pants didn't fit the morning he had to head back to work. All I am saying is Thank God, I don't have a job...

Merry Christmas and Welcome 2012!

2011-12-22T01:13:00.001-02:00

Am really feeling the need to embrace 2012. Had a nudge last week that I would be putting my Story in book form this year. No idea what it will look like but for my family, at the very least, it needs to be done.

Looking forward to DH's retirement in July. Big life changes but living through turning 60 this year, has prepared me for More. We are both looking forward to being able to go when we want, where we want. I have had that priveldge for the last 14 years, I am here so show him the Way.

I have been going through photos, getting ready for next year. I make 4 books through Blurb every year. This year, I added another. Street photography has changed my life and don't see that that trend is going away. 2011 was a year of learning, growing, anticipating and stretching. What will 2012 bring? None of us know but hopefully, the year we just came through, will help us make a smooth transistion. One can never be fully prepared. I believe we don't get everything we need, until we need it. Can you practice for what is to come? I have tried but can't say I am prepared. Every day convinces me, I was never meant to be...

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May your days will merry and bright. Wishing you the very best for a wonderful new year. See you Jan 2. XO zalaine

comfort and joy...

2011-12-21T01:57:00.000-02:00

With the exception of one game-change maybe gift swap, which in the end, didn't happen - I am done shopping.

I have officially entered the Comfort and Joy part of Christmas. What ever happens, happens. Whatever I have forget, we don't need. At this point, there is nothing that could be added to Christmas that would significantly, add and change the day.

We have enough food.
We have enough gifts.
We have enough comfort and joy.

It is time to start, unwind and realize that what we have is all we need. That the time we spend together is precious and better than any gift one could receive. It is time to start living in the Moment because as fast as it came, it will be gone.

I have had more than my fair share of comfort and joy this year. Some of it purposeful and some of it, completely unexpected. I loved all of it. Looking forward to the next few days and more comfort and joy. Take it, for yourself. Whatever it looks like in your life, grab it and hold on tight. There are so many paths, pick one and keep your eyes open. Comfort and joy are there for the taking, but you have to do your part...

over the top...

2011-12-20T02:45:00.000-02:00

The countdown has begun. In a week, it will all be over except for the overflow. The reality of January and whatever that looks like in your neck of the woods. Even though we have not had one day of snow, we know that at some point, it will be here.

But that won't get us through the next 5 or 6 days. If your gift shopping is done, you may have wrapping to do or worst, a few trips to the grocery store for whatever you need to get you through said days. These are the days you will feel the push the most. Why? We have lived over the top for the last month. Everything is bigger this time of year. The hype is starting to get to us. We have decked the halls, painted the walls and baked our little hearts out. We have eaten too many cookies, been dazzled by too many lights and we don't know how to stop. The music, the books the movies, overload that we can't begin to fight.

I have glowing lights in my front room, 24 hours a day and I am thinking, I LOVE IT! I could keep these lights up all year but the truth is living on the mountain top wasn't meant to be our default. If we keep it up, we will flame out. If we were smart, we would find pockets of time in the next few days to reassure ourselves that every year, this is our time. To be a kid again. To enjoy the lights, the sounds, the smells and to find the way to strike a balance.

Finding myself enjoying the holidays in the simple things more than in years past. In the little things, not getting caught up in what to do next or if there is enough butter in the refrigerator. There is. It will be fine...

learning...

2011-12-19T01:55:00.001-02:00

Last Sunday before Christmas. Last time to get that Christmas feeling. My OverMy Head class had none of that today, yet I think it was my favorite week yet.

I love Professor Tim. A scientist by trade, with his heart and head fully involved, it is not a walk of straight lines. Today, I didn't understand about 25% of the words he used. Another 25% of his talk, was way over my head but I have come to learn, no matter who the speaker - you don't have to get it all. You may have to go back and look some things up on your own but having to understand every premise or theory, is not part of the Grand Plan.

Yet today, the last Sunday before Christmas with no Silent Night or Come All Ye Faithful being sung in the back ground, he gave me the greatest gift he could and it went like this...

You can't weigh a chicken with a yardstick.

Greater words have never been spoken. He didn't just say it once, he said it several times. On some level, he gets it and gets it big. He will go back to his college professor job and higher thinking tomorrow but for today, he should be so proud of himself. Faith is based on prior accounts, it is built upon the past. Hope is based on the future, on things to come. Together with us in the middle, we stand on truth. The triangle of Love.

But the simple truth of Christmas is you can't weigh a chicken with a yardstick. It doesn't work. It never has. The Story stands alone, take it or leave it. An improbable way to save the world, yet it did. We are living proof. We are not Home yet. It is frightening to live here, Sometimes. Ask Mary and Joseph, imagine they will have quite a Story to tell Someday, I for one - can't hardly wait...

miracles...

2011-12-18T21:09:00.001-02:00

Witness to a Christmas miracle this weekend, besides making me grin from ear to ear, just affirmed what this year has taught me. For Miss The Glass Is Half Empty, this mind set of utterly knowing that anything can change, in a heartbeat.

Not based on any particular miracle which would explain this, it seemed to come out of nowhere. I remember thinking, Where is this coming from? The year has not diluted my new found belief in any way. While I know in my heart and head, that trials will come - the miracles I speak of of those who seem to come out of nowhere. There are not life-changing, death defying miracles but the little ones. The one you never saw coming.

To see one at Christmas time may be a bit more magical because we are all feeling like a woman who is 38 weeks pregnant, full and anxious. Adreniline is pumping and with every time, Oh Come Let Us Adore Him, crosses our path, we are almost in tears.

You never know where or from what direction, oen is headed your way. Our only job is to catch them, and love them. And, thank the One who sent it...

where your treasure is...

2011-12-15T01:52:00.000-02:00

I have lots of photos in every room of my house. Lots.

Every photo that has gotten wall space is done in black and white. All but the kids room, nothing but color in that room.

I will probably never have one of the photos made into a canvas, I change photos out too often. No sense in spending lots of money on a print because more than likely, it will be replaced soon. The first few times I replaced a photo with the a new one, I had the hardest time throwing the last favorite away. Finally decide that it would be good for family history to layer the photos, behind the frame. Someday, there will be a treasure tove of Photos of Old, with the newest - front and center.

16 x 20 is my choice of size these days.Tonight's new batch added a new layer to one frame and a new frame that will start its own legacy. This one hangs in the kids room, the other - a black and white collage of the 3 Smith's of 2011, stands against the wall in our family room.

Treasures all over the house, hidden yet waiting to be rediscovered and reloved. Someday, all things will be new again, never so much as with those things we keep close to our hearts...

hostage...

2011-12-14T03:22:00.001-02:00

Our favorite football team is switching to a different conference in 2013. They had just moved to a new one, this year. It was reported that if they made a move after only one year, - there would be a 21 million dollar penalty for not finishing out their 2 year contract.

21 million dollars. Makes the buyout programs that come with our cell phones sound downright, puny. No other place in life other than cell phones and cable, is this early penalty thing done. Costco, you pay an annual fee and you get to shop. Their service and quality stands alone. You want to renew your membership every year. They have quality products and don't need to hold us hostage for 24 months to keep us.

Thinking that the electronics markets need to follow the Costco way. Make a product and conduct yourself in a super manner and people will flock to you...and stay. We humans are a lot of things and given the right circumstances, loyalty is one of them. Would hate to be a part of anything that held people hostage. Whose product/idea was so poorly formed and executed, that they would bring themselves to try and mandate, loyalty. Imagine telling someone you would be their friend for 2 years and if they decided to unfriend you before the end of those 2 years, there would be a prorated penalty. Makes you laugh but the logic is one we live with everyday.

Hoping that Someday, this practice will be obsolete. Not just because it is insane but because, they no longer feel that their product is inferior and that holding people hostage is their only option...

Santa...

2011-12-13T04:41:00.002-02:00

Whatever your sense of who Santa is and how he fits into your life, it is tough to ignore him.

There have been times in my life when he was worth, everything. My sister and I use to go to bed early Christmas Eve, talking 2 in the afternoon, and trying to sleep until Christmas morning. That's commitment.

Even after all these years of knowing the real meaning of Christmas, he is still special to me. There is Something strangely comforting about someone dressed in a big, red costume - breaking into your home, dropping a bag of presents, eating the snacks and obviously, cleaning up after himself that never makes you think, that is creepy.

Usually, one who has a hard time seperating the Real from the not so real Christmas Story but this year is different. Whether caroling or shopping or being bombared by retail elves, there is no war inside of me. I am trying ot enjoy every song, light, decoration or internet Christmas home tours. The twinkling light that DH HAD to have, which in itself is a gift, remind me that there is a bit of a child in all of us.

Keaton knows about Santa and Gage is cynical enough to get it but Miss M is still in full Santa mode. The cool thing is even when you grow up, Christmas can be a magical time, if you try. With less than 2 weeks to go, I am all in. No time to waste. Christmas 2011, I love ya...

merry and bright...

2011-12-12T02:30:00.001-02:00

There is nothing that puts me more in a holiday mood that a child and Christmas music and if that kid has my blood flowing through his veins, even more so.

Last week it was Keaton, this week at church, will be Gage and Morgan's turn. If you listen really close, I swear you can hear angels singing. I truly believe that they were there at every Christmas concert I sang in as a kid even though I didn't know angels existed. I imagine God in the background, smiling.

Warm and fuzzy, just the way All Things Christmas should be. But, we all know that Christmas is not merry and bright for every child. Not every child will have a fan club show up for every activity, Christmas-related or not. Not every child will have a full belly from Thanksgiving to Christmas and if they do, it may be macaroni and cheese, if they are lucky. Those Salvation Army pots will be gone the morning after Christmas but guess what? People still get hungry in January.

This just hit me while talking to a friend today. I tcaem to me that I am emailing my pastor friend and suggesting working out the logisitics of keeping a red Salvation Army pot, next to our giving box, year around.

We don't pass a plate at our church. That was one of our founding ideas and we haven't changed it in 16 years. Thinking a red pot might be just the thing to keep our minds on Things Bigger Than Us. Is there a reason we shouldn't be merry and bright all year? Can't think of one...

joy to the world...

2011-12-08T01:03:00.001-02:00

We all know the bibical Story of Christmas, whether we believe it or not. As a kid, it seemed as unlikely a Story as the whole idea of God. It never stayed on my radar for long but it was ingrained in every holiday I have ever had.

The truth is, we don't know that Jesus was born on December 25. We don't know if it was ice cold or swealtering hot. The basics are what we have and everything else is just speculation.

I am good with the speculation. The Story itself, seems like such an improbable tale. An unmarried girl and a man who takes her as his wife, anyway. No place to stay and having to give birth in a small, covered shelter in the midst of barn animals.

The Story of the shephards and their travel to see the new baby, seems highly unlikely yet I see it as truth. The Story stands by itself, any speculation on my part would add nothing to the conversation. I accept it as it stands.

Let my mind go free with this page tonight. Kept adding and tweeking until there was nothing more to add. In art, all is subjective. It doesn't change the truth. Does it add to it? Perhaps. Art could be explained as the marriage of what we know with what we don't know. Art imitating life, a truer statement may not be said...

your turn...

2011-12-07T02:05:00.002-02:00

Earlier this year, Papa and I bought tickets to take Keaton to the Idaho Shakespeace Festival. Shortly after that, we bought Miss M a bicycle. We tried all summer to find somewhere to take Gage but each time, we came up short.

He never said a word about his turn. Never. A few weeks ago, we asked mommy and daddy if a bike would be a good idea. His was busted and he was to get Keaton's hand me down bike that also was in need of much repair. When you are the middle child, you get lost...Alot. Very rarely do they expect it will be any different. Maybe that is why Gage never brought it up.

so 20 days before Christmas, on a cold morning - we got shopping. He didn't understand we were going to buy a bike today. He seemed completely in awe that it was winter and so close to Christmas and we were buying Something Big.

After much discussion, we left and he decided to look elsewhere. Then we got out to the car and he changed his mind. We went back in to the store and he choose the one that had been on his radar because of its cool factor. We got it out, he took it out for a spin and the rest is history.

Sometimes, it is just your turn. Out of the blue, usually. Completely unexpected and with a sense of not being worthy, we need to just accept it and move on. We all need a turn. A turn that is just ours. It is not selfish nor is it wrong. It just is...

Watch and learn...

2011-12-06T03:23:00.002-02:00

The whole DidYouSeeTheGarageDoorGoDown is getting worse and worse. This has nothing to do with age, we have done this, forever. We have individually and collectively returned to the Mothership many, many times. I can not remember the garage door, not being down.

A year or so ago, I came up with a new plan. Seemingly, it would end our personal dilemia. It is not about knowing that the garage door is down it is about remembering, watching it go down. To mark the memory of closing the door and remembering said closing. That did work for a while but as conversations with each other, loud music and generally not paying attention kicked in, we were in trouble, yet again.

We left the house for church, got half way there and the words just came spilling out.

Do you remember watching the garage door go down?
No, but I am pretty sure it did.
How sure are you? 50, 75 or 90 percent?
Pretty, that is how sure I am.

We went with pretty and forgot about it a few minutes later, obviously secure in our pretty mindset. On the way home, I said, That is it. From now on, I will make myself take a picture of the downed door. No more wondering or turning around. I have had it!

So this morning when I left the house, out came the camera. All the way to the cable office, I smiled knowing that I had proof in my purse that burglars and thieves might as well go elsewhere, this is no Place to mess with...

Vivian Maier...

2011-12-05T01:24:00.002-02:00

It has been a little over a year ago since the photos of Vivian Maier were uncovered, right after her death. She had boxes of undeveloped film and a huge undertaking was under way to develop and publish them. Her book was up for pre-order back in April and it arrived at my doorstep on Friday. I am a ahhappy girl.

You see, I was instantly smitten with Ms Maier's street photography and my personal life has changed dramatically in the last year. I found my calling, I knew intuitively that street photography was to be my course. Looking back, I had already started down the Path but didn't realize where I was headed. When I look back over my street photos, all together, keeping each other company, I am giddy. Have always loved black and white photography. I have even done my digi layouts in black and white. For me, it became crystal clear and I have not looked back.

Not only has my photography changed but Something I can't prove but wholehearted believe, is that when you are talking photos of strangers, you start to have a special affinity for them. I look at the photos of those I have captured and find myself, thinking about them. What do their lives look like? What are they now? The very older woman, sitting at the Apple desk, tryin got find pictures for her book. The street preacher who has one person's attention. Those at Flyimg M, who drift in and out.

It would appear that Miss V didn't want her photos made public. She was a nayy and took to the Big City on her days off and shot all these wonderful photos that she never intended to share. She must have assumed, they never would be. I for one, am glad that they are able to be enjoyed and studied. Thank you Miss V, whether or not you agree, you have taught us much. Be good with that and welcome the thanks. We all share this Journey. None of us live in a vacuum. In the end, you have given us a great gift. Smile and say thank you...

oh come let us Adore him...

2011-12-04T02:21:00.000-02:00

A dear friend had to take an emergency trip to do a very unChristmas like task, a funeral. Not a funeral that was expected nor easy to accept. She has been in my thoughts constantly since she left, we have texted a few times and during this day of driving. I had to stop the car and text her. Right, then, right now.

I was going down the street, looking for some place to pull over. Pulled into this little shopping mall, parked my car, heading toward the sun, got out my phone and got out the words that had haunted me for the last 3 miles. It went Something like this,

Oh Come let us Adore Him is not just for Christmas. It is for today, tommorrow and all the Days after that.

Sometimes you just need to hear what you need to hear.
Sometimes you just need to know that you are loved by someone, far away.
Sometimes you just need to pull over and do what you are suppose to do.

Do what you need when you need to do it. Learn to listen, practice paying attention and act, when it is time...

magical thinking...

2011-12-01T03:17:00.003-02:00

We all do it, Some more than others. Some stay and live there, forever. Not childish thinking, which at times may be confused with MT but is really the way our brains grow and learn. Magical thinking says if I think it, it will happen or go away. Perhaps a nice way of saying, you live in denial. Never a Place to linger, but somewhere we have all gone, at one time or another. The part of the brain that allows us to believe in Santa, way after we are old enough to have bumped into the terrible truth. Yesterday, there was no magical thinking to be found, anywhere. Not even a little bit.

Headed to Costco...but needed to make a stop at this little gift shop on the way. Cute little wreaths, and wall decals and other things. Thought I would just pop in and see what they had for Christmas. As I pulled up to the front door, something looked odd. There was a man, followed by a woman, carryin gboxes to their truck. It was soon very obvious that the buliding was empty and that they weren't even waiting until after Christmas, to shut their doors. I backed out of my parking space, wondering how long they held on before there was no choice left.

Still heading toward Costco, I stopped at Target to look around. Ran into a friend who got sent home from work before noon, because there was no work. We visited a little and she explained how her husband got a stable job but had to take a huge cut in pay. I walked away, feeling her pain.

Costco is now in site. I do my business and head home. When I pull onto my street, I notice the cleaning truck at the renter's house across the street from mine. Even in less than desirable weather, these guys had constant yard sales. Every couple of weeks, right as rain. I always thought, they had to do it to make rent. The empty house reinforces that belief.

Hard to come home and sing, Deck The Halls, knowing that for some, it is going to be tough. There was no magical thinking that would make any of these situations, less complicated but it certainly made me stop and think. Life in the Real world is not fun, but is there any other way to live?

sisters...

2011-11-30T18:03:00.002-02:00

Didn't plan to take family photos at Walmart today, it just happened. I literally almost ran into her. Who does that?

People think we look a lot alike and we do. When we are both the same weight, even more so but she had a pituitary tumor many years ago and try as she may, losing weight goes against everything her body is capable of doing.

We are nothing alike. Not now, not ever. Even in high school, I LOVED Motown, she hearted Donovan (They call me Mellow Yellow, quite righteously). We even had a somekind of stripe down the middle of our shared bedroom, neither was to cross over into enemy territory, no matter what.

What we do share is a history of the past. You might think that we would have shared memories but our remembrances are as far apart as our interest. What we remember is also different. We both have large gaps where memories are missing and that is fine with us. It was a childhood we would agree, no one should go through. We have seen and experienced things that have affected us our entire lives and always will. We are quirky and best, more like a bit odd, if we are being honest. Mostly, we are survivors. Once told that most people who experience a childhood like ours, do not survive.

Here is living proof. Right here at Walmart. We have defied the odds and are still standing. One thing we would agree on, only by the grace of God have we come so far. Different as we may be, sisters, we will always be...

breakfast...

2011-11-29T03:13:00.000-02:00

It is my favorite meal to eat out.

I would never eat these foods at a resturant for breakfast but find them highly suitable, if not perfect, for breakfast at home.

chocolate cake,
mixed nuts,
spaghetti.

The one common food(?) that is most desired with or without food for breakfast is Diet Coke. There is no hour too early or late for Diet Coke. If you are a smart person, you will catch on quickly that Someone has a huge problem, but I digress...

I have never treated Breakfast with the respect it deserves. It is a well known fact, eat anything you want for breakfast and you are assured to burn off said calories by the end of the day. I have had some strange food and portions using that little bit of knowledge. I once shared a whole cake with a friend at work... Later, we would both join Weight Watchers because it was obvious, there was a huge problem. The tip off, us and two forks.

Whether biscuits and gravy at CrackerBarrel or the Special at the locl diner, there is just Something about breakfast that whispers in your ear, It is going to be alright.

When you walk into a place like this, that has put this much effort into decorating, you can only hope they put the same effort into the pancakes. And, they did...

shadow and light...

2011-11-28T03:01:00.000-02:00

What profits a man if he gains the whole world, yet loses his soul?

The first segment of 60 Minutes dealt with the homeless, in particular, kids. Living in cars, little food to share. These folks are not career homeless. They are casualties of loss they never saw coming. Jobs lost, unemployment that ran dry As I watched and felt my heart breaking, the news was reporting record Black Friday sales. The idea of starting earlier, opening doors before the Thanksgiving table was cleared was being hailed a hero before the weekend cash registers had all been counted.

Life has always been unfair. There has always been those who have much and those who have nothing. Salvation Army has been ringing their bells as long as I can remember yet the Stories of the homeless, never seem to slow down. As a society, we are rather immune and harden by those who have abused our desire to do good works.Just today, we passed no less than 10 homeless peole with cardboard signs. It has just been this year that I heard a one of the locals who has chosen this as his profession. Cities are advising that we give money to a local homeless shelter that can distribute them as the panhandling seems to have gotten out of control.

I don't know the answer for me, much less for you. Around here they say the food banks are empty and with over 100 percent increase from last year. Those who donated last year, are in need themselves this year. Maybe it comes down to what comes your way on any given day. When you see a need with your eyes, do something. The woman in front of you at the store doesn't have enough money to but everything she has in her cart. Buying someone a tank of gas. Playing secret santa for a neighbor with a Walmart gift card. You might know someone. Your kids might know someone. Just need to keep our eyes and ears open and the floodgates of possibilities will open none of us are not able to do something don't wait until you can give big. Give big now and don't define big to yourself as when I win the lottery, big.

Think outside of the box, refine big to yourself or get rid of it all together. Just make a difference in Someone's life. Big comes from our hearts, not our wallets...

Now, it begins...

2011-11-27T13:36:00.001-02:00

The last four days have been a blur.We lamented on Thanksgiving how crazy it was that we could eat outside at the picnic table. Cold but doable. After many games of movie/book/tv charades, we called it a night...at least for a few hours.

The news has reported that the early onset of Black friday was a hit for both shoppers and retailers and is here to stay. The young ones, who don't usually partake of BF came at 10PM and the rest made their usual 4PM appearance. Looks like change is here to stay...Now, it begins.

Like it or not, it is on. 25 days of shopping for Something. Gifts, decorations, food. Your life is not your own for the next 31 days. You are officially in Holiday mode.

It is a fact. One that if you can get it into your head, will make this the best holiday season ever. Over the last few years, I have cut my gift list down to just my kids and grandkids. I love my friends dearly but would rather spend time over holiday coffee and some good convo, then add to the the Stuff of Their World.

For me, the lines are not so blurred between Santa and Jesus, this year. It is getting harder and harder to find Jesus in the world while He hasn't changed a bit. He is always there for the asking. This year for the first time in a long, long time, the kids have a Christmas program at their church. I am giddy. Nothing like a little kid singing, dressed to their nine, the Love of Christmas. Reminds me, must relive the magic that is All About The Herdsman. The epic Story of the world meeting Jesus. When you are hungry and the church is giving away free food, you go. I so get that. If you have never read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson, I suggest you do yourself a favor and read it this year. As Gage would say, it would be an Epic Failure, not too.

Got 2 things off my list on BF but mainly got to shop with throngs of people who for the most part were extremely nice. The teen boys who parked their fannies on the couches to rest and then peed in the huge fake flower pots, not so much...

2011-11-22T16:14:00.000-02:00

It is close. I can feel my fifties, slipping away. I don't know why this birthday has hit me so hard but am attempting to go through it, not find a way around it.

There is so much to be thankful for. Some people never make it, this far. I have been blessed with family and friends, with love and laughter and there is no reason to think, that will change. On the threshold of another adventure. Old is as old does, relax and keep swinging.

A friend gave me this sign for my birthday and a higher tribute could not be given, Thank you Miss R.

she was authentic in every way and they loved that about her.

Plan to live the Moment and enjoy all the Moments that will continue to come my way. How could one not be thankful? While my body gives away its true age, inside, there is a different Party going on. Now I know why you see so many old people in convertibles. It is so true.

Happy Thanksgiving to each of you. May the giving of thanks, laughter and love, come your way this year. If sadness is your lot this year, may Something bring joy to your heart, Somewhere along the way. See you Monday. Love and peace, zalaine.

those around us...

2011-11-21T19:45:00.000-02:00

Being an introvert is not a badge of honor. Those of us who are a part of this club, know we have to work twice as hard as the extrovert - just so people don't think we are mad at them. It is part of one's personality that while can't be change, can be controlled.

This time of year, we find ourselves in situations and Places where there are many, many people. Strangely enough, I LOVE being in public with them. Don't have to think of Something to say, like at a party but can strike up a convo in a rather, safe to me, enviroment.

Ran into a long time, seldom see friend today. We tend to run into each other at Walmart on a semi-regular basis. We have history so the talk is easy and always fun. We got a bit deeper today, and I couldn't help myself -I hugged her, Big Time. Not a casual hugger but when I do, I hug Big. She shared a bit of her life that just overwhelmed me and I was so proud of her I wanted to burst. Last time we met, we dicussed 60th birthdays. I want a quiet one and she wants to invite everyone she knows. I can't wait for April!

Thanksgiving are on their way and my excitement level couldn't be higher. Always need to check if my introvertness is getting in the way of What Could Be. At least I know, that to recharge - we of that particular persuasion, need to back off for alone time. I can do that, just like my iPad, then hit the road again.

Random Citizens, can wait to see you this week! Rested and ready to go. Bring it 2011, I am ready. Will try to keep hugging to a mininum, I promise...

2011-11-20T02:59:00.000-02:00

From my vantage point, the Light was so coming across his path. Almost 99% sure, he didn't notice and if he did, it was in the form of being irritated.

He was totally unaware of his surroundings, including me. He got up a few times and made a few rounds all over the coffee shop. Don't know if he needed to be around people or what his deal was. He was very intent the whole time he was there, no smiles.

I am no different than him. I imagine that I miss the Light many, many times. Obviously, we each think we know when we are being shined on but I would bet, the rest of the time we miss it by at least, 50%.

Finally, my favorite week is here. Short work week and BIG in Real Life. After a month of living in the thankfulness that only November can bring, I hope it hangs around for the next month. December brings enough issues of its own, would be nice to have some November left, to offset it.

They are right...There is Always Something to be thankful for. I don't have to dig deep, not very deep at all but others do. If you are one, do the work. Get out of your head. I have been where you are and I can tell you, it can be better. Maybe not this Thanksgiving, or Christmas or even today but if you seek it, you will find it. Happy Hunting...

drinking the Kool-Aid...

2011-11-17T01:06:00.002-02:00

Drinking the Kool-Aid,
To become a firm believer in something; to accept an argument or philosophy whole-heartedly.

Older folks will remember this from Jonestown and the terrible loss of life. These days, it seems to refer to anything that you totally believe in. My personal Kool-Aid, is pretty apparent.

Reading one of my favorite authors, Sarah Vowell now and her upbringing and religious history are just the opposite of mine. She was raised in a gospel-beliving home and later, became an atheist and I did the atheist thing first, later on - found Jesus.

It reminded me in my higher thinking class on Sunday, that growing up, there was no doubt in my mind that my father was right. All had been proved and I was good to go for the rest of my life. When Jesus came in with this less that believable Story, proof was the essense of what I needed to even begin to change my thinking.

After all these years, the whole Story of Jesus has not been proved to me. Not once Story, but it has been validated in a million ways. One of the christian arguments is always, well, you don't know how a car works but you trust every morning when you get in, it starts immediately. That particular Kool-Aid never spoke to me and in my quest for proof, didn't get me very far down the road.

So, one Kool-Aid was proven to me and the other was found valid yet I chose the one that makes little sense, can't be proven and gets you no reward card when you sign up? Call it what you want but for me, it makes all the sense in the world...

at the end of the day...

2011-11-16T13:29:00.000-02:00

When all the drama of the day has hopefully, been moved to a Another Place and Time, what is Real, seems to be easier to spot.

With the what if's and thanks for dodging another bullet, the Realness of life comes and everything looks a little less harsh with the light of day, behind you.

We each have different ways of unwinding and processing any given day's events. Most days, I make the transistion at a pretty quick pace but not always. Some days, I don't get there at all. Those are the sleepless nights orwhere sleep is not to be had except in few minute increments. I understand it intellectually but emotionally, I am stuck at a two year old level.

When perspective starts to make it's way back to my mind, I think about how little I really need to feel good about the day. A Story from my girl about something the kids did, hubby making me laugh. I have said it before, the hum of the dryer and dishwasher put me in the best of moods.

The sooner that Real comes into my world, the better person I am and that is worth it all. Every bit of it...

saving...

2011-11-15T20:47:00.001-02:00

If I were to believe this sign, it would make incredible sense to do all my Christmas shopping here. In this town, in this store. They must have done all the leg work, compared all the costs so, this must be it. This is the place to come, this is the place to save.

Only problem is, this is a grocery store and while their prices are very good - if saving were my goal, most everyone on my Christmas shopping list would be sorely disappointed.

Had an encounter with an couple of extreme couponers the other day. Disclaimer - if you are an extreme couponer, and I mean extreme not just a casual or dedicated cutter of coupons but one of those who has $30,000 of inventory in the basement and spends 40 hours a week with pre shopping trips to scout for more, there maybe unresolved issues in your life that need attention.

I needed a tube of toothpaste. Just one. I hadn't noticed what was in their carts but as I looked at the toothpaste shelf and noticed my brand and a few other were all gone, I said Something out loud about, where did all the toothpaste go? I turned to look in these ladies carts and between them both, found out where all the toothpaste had gone. They sheeply put a few back, I grabbed my one and left.

It is good to save, guys. It is a responsible, good thing to make your money go as far as it can go. Most of us will hit more than a few stores in the next month and be looking to save, to grab a few deals to make a few smiles. Saving, like most everything in life can go too far. Over the edge and out the emotional door like a railroad car, out of control. Is is worth it to wrestle a sweater from another shopper over the saving of a few bucks? There was a time when, I thought it was. No more...

holding hands...

2011-11-14T01:33:00.000-02:00

Remember Robert Fulgrum's, Everything I Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarden?

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

They were wise words for Kindergarden and for those who have been together for many years. Somethings, never change...

right now...

2011-11-13T06:11:00.001-02:00

November is in full swing and my personal thanksgiving is in the very forethought of most every thought, running through my mind. It is easy to focus on what is not right/sane/fair and much tougher to keep one's eye on the prize, right in front of you. To be thankful for what you already have. What you are enjoying, this very Moment.

Next week is my favorite week of the year. It is a short week, full of anticipation of turkey and the start of the Christmas season. It usually includes at some point, my birthday and anniversary. It is a packed week with lots of wonderful emotions. I just love it!. See how easy it is to be Somewhere else?

This week I will focus on what I already have, what is right in front of my today. Will spend the afternoon taking my girl to a birthday party and then, getting to hear all about it on the way home. DH and I will get to spend the day together. God willing, I will have a warm home to come back too. Food in the refrigerator, a blanket and furry slippers, just waiting to be cuddled.

I am thankful I can see this now. I hope I can see it everyday this week. And then, next week too. Humbly aware that I am missing more than I am seeing but will have to live with the understanding that being human means accepting ourselves, flaws and all. I am thankful for the idea that I can get another chance everyday, to live it to the fullest and never are we more aware than when I am thankful...

generation gap..

2011-11-08T16:48:00.001-02:00

Most everything but not all I read is all done on my iPad. Still get a paper copy of Time from a two year old subscription but will let that die a natural death. This week's issue was enlighten and along with my favorite book right now, a great find. Here are the generations defined.

The Millennial Generation - 18-30
Generation X - 31 -46
Boomers - 47-65
The Silent Gereration - 66-83

Have wanted to be a Boomer for as long as I can remember. I remember the 50 and 60's well and we seemed so cool. Rock and roll, Woodstock - what was not to Love?

These days, I find myself identifying more with the Millennial crowd. Techonlogy has me on the edge of my seat, almost minutely. I don't want to miss a minute of it. I am stunned and thrilled with Something I read about, most every day.

But Sometimes, you are drawn back. My new favorite book these days, didn't have an ereader version so I had to buy the hardcover but it was so worth it.

Goodnight iPad by Ann Droyd. (if it sounds familiar ib is because Ms Droyd also wrote, Goodnight Moon.)

...And a Blackberry ringing with Eminem singing. And a new Facebook friend and texts with no end...

Sometimes, kicking it Old School is way worth it...

Family time for the rest of the week. Back on Sunday, live the Moment...

beautiful day...

2011-11-07T01:54:00.000-02:00

Every once in a while, I get smacked in the head and for a brief Moment, I truly get it. Understand that it takes more than a gentle tap, most days.

We spent the morning, playing checkers and enjoying each other's company. Add in drinks and treats and you quickly see how little it takes to find yourself in a good place.

It is not what we think we need or what we think it is important to know, in any given day - to give us what we really need. We need to pay attention more and shut up/stop thinking, more. Instead of sharing what we know, we need to be students twice as much as we are teachers.

We are each given to be in both camps in Life. Students and teachers and when we mix them up at the wrong times, like most other things we mix up at the wrong times - it is disasterous because we make choices based on those errors of judegement. It is like being a perpetual teenager, always having answers without having ever heard the question.

I grabbed my camera because I needed this perspective. Knew instantly, it was part of my training and I didn't want to miss this lesson. Boys and men, while they are still somewhat of a mystery - they certainly made it a beautiful day for me.

nobody rides for free...

2011-11-06T19:16:00.000-02:00

There is a cost, other than Burger Den, associated with trying to get family photos. It took me a while to hear him, because I was not listening.

No error on his part, I was just not hearing him. It is true what they say, nobody rides for free. Like it or not, we live this truth everyday in many ways. There is Compromise, which can be a bitter pill to swallow. The truth is compromise is a win-win for everyone but it is never acknowledged as such because everyone is busy, licking their collective wounds. With the upcoming holidays, Miss Compromise is as busy as she can be.

Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, is another long and winding road. Gage was fully aware without knowing it. Nana, on the other hand, had forgotten - hence the Madonna, Strike A Pose session, began. Could have been easier if I had caught on sooner. Some days, it just takes a child and a bit of time, to get it right.

proof vs validate...

2011-11-03T19:37:00.002-02:00

proof,

An effort, process, or operation designed to establish or discover a fact or truth.
The degree of evidence which convinces the mind of any truth or fact, and produces belief.
The quality or state of having been proved or tried.

validate,

Well grounded or justifiable, pertinent.
Acceptable, proper or correct.
An argument whose conclusion is always true whenever its premises are true.

At first glance, they seem quite similiar. Subtle differences but in essence, a similiar message. Not sure I would have ever saw that if I hadn't been in over my head in the new class. Been living with being overwhelmed this week and must admit, it is growing on me. For one who always, always would choose to know the Plan in advance, the not knowing and even the gasping for emotional awareness, has not been as hard as one may imagine.

Not one to need proof from God. Maybe because I had an experience with Him once and we settled it right there and then. He was willing to stay as long as it took but Sometimes I am a fast learner and I need no more. Maybe I am in the minority as I usually am, but I am not a why me? person. When you start your life in the worst possible way, there is little you don't expect to go right. I may be a good whiner but never at God. There is a difference. I have said many times, the first 20 years were pure hell, the next chapter made up for it but even I know, it can't go on forever. When all hell breaks loose, I'll be ready. I can't be ready now but he will give me what I need, when I need it. Is that proof or validation? All I know is that we each need to do what we need to do and we need to do it with our hearts wide open. Not much to ask in the scheme of things...

fear...

2011-11-02T13:54:00.003-02:00

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear." - Mark Twain

It occurred to me yesterday that some of us...ok, me - may have a worst case scenario switch. With a bit more thought, it also occurred to me that this switch has to be manually reset, every day.

It can't be set as a default without some pretty intense computer programming knowledge which frankly, we...ok, me - don't have. We get up every morning and purposefully, turn on the switch. That allows the thoughts and feelings to take over and run the show.

There is a fine line between being Real and being in denial. I walk on the Real side, a bit too often. Even before I brush my teeth and eat breakfast, I make sure the Switch is On. It is an unconscious act that triggers real acts. Emotions that play on those thoughts.

Something for us...ok, me to think about. The bible mentions fear 365 times. One for every day of the year. Don't think that is an accident. Time to turn the lights off, close the door and do Something new...

wow...

2011-11-01T14:29:00.003-02:00

We all — in the end — die in medias res. In the middle of a story. Of many stories. Mona Simpson.

Mona has touched on something to ponder. At the passing of almost everyone in our life's sphere, they died too soon. We apply a sort of seniority list. If a baby dies, we are all heart broken at what could have been. A teen, just starting an adult life. A young dad who leaves little children behind. A woman whose greatest wish in life was to live to see her first grandchild. The couple looking forward to their golden anniversary.

If we understand that no matter what age we are when we pass, we are in the middle of a Story - it seems a bit more tolerable. Some, we to get to read more Chapters than others but never are all tied up in a neat little package, ready for delivery. The final chapter is written, anytime.

A wonderful epilogue of her famous brother's life, Mona Simpson and Steve Jobs found each other, later in life but it would appear, they had plenty of opportunity to make up for lost time.

Steve Job's last words are sticking to me like white on rice, can't get them out of my mind. This complicated man's last words, have me on the edge of my seat.

Steve’s final words, hours earlier, were monosyllables, repeated three times.

Before embarking, he’d looked at his sister Patty, then for a long time at his children, then at his life’s partner, Laurene, and then over their shoulders past them.

Steve’s final words were:

OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.

overwhelmed...

2011-10-30T20:26:00.004-02:00

DH and I went to new to us class this morning. Heard the teacher preach so we had a taste of what it might be like and quite frankly, I knew I would be in over my head. The teacher is a college prof and the class is aimed at the academia world. Big words, big thoughts, huge ideas. Some went right over my head, I will admit but I was overwhelmed, in a good way. A wonderful way.

Took notes like crazy and my mind was on fire. Learned a long time ago, I need to be challenged to keep from going crazy. Haven't been in that Place in a while so this might be exactly where I need to be for a Season.

We all need to stretch and grow. If we aren't and we stay stagnant for too long, we are less likely to keep moving. It is a good thing to be in over our heads, to learn new things, and continue to learn. I had to pay attention the whole time, little time for wandering mind syndrome today. My notebook looks completely different today. Also, not a bad thing.

I need to research the definitions of prove and validate. I need to consider how much of my life is lived in the personal verses in the facts. It is good to remember that I can't explain it all and that when I am in over my head, that isn't drowning that I feel. It is just the feeling of thinking in a different way.

A certain thirst in life makes you go Places you never could imagine. We all need a push Sometimes, in a different direction. Happy I got to go down that road Today...

7th grade boys...

2011-10-27T00:07:00.001-02:00

Until now, the only thing I knew about 7th grade boys was through a 7th grade girl's eye. Not all together a negative, that would be done by 7th grade girls leaving an indelible mark on my middle school memory, they were for the most part, normal until they got outside and then they would go crazy. Now I know, boys need recess and lots of it to get all boy energy out.

These days, 7th grade boys are around again. Mine is the best in the world and he is in some pretty good company. These guys are polite, cool and joy to be around. Adolescence is tough, middle school may be the worse. You have feelings you just don't know what to do with. Anger, the beginnings of puberty - thoughts you have never had in your life along with feelings you are desperately trying to control. It will get better in a few years, you wish you could tell them and have them believe you. You still won't understand girls, get use to that now but everything else will start to fall in place. The alpha male will be channeled in a whole new direction with a whole new set of problems. This part of your life, will last the rest of your days.

I know that it is as natural as rain for boys to grow up and start to separate from adults. It is part of the Process. I cherish every Moment you share with me. Learning to stand down but always ready if you need anything. If you need any advice about girls, I will try to explain but no promises...

overwhelmed...

2011-10-26T14:44:00.001-02:00

What does it take to get the emotional wind knocked out of you? Not one to be overwhelmed by nature as often as I would like, is hard to admit. Feel like it is a lack of appreciation for the One who made it, whom I am overwhelming grateful for.

This place does it for me. A friend found it a couple of years ago. WE have taken senior, tea party and family shots in this area. This day it would just be DH and I. After a ride in the country and a stop at one of the local wineries to take some photos of hills, valleys and grapes, we went home the long way to check out the woods.

The water is high but there are some fabulous photos to be had in a few, small places. The light is unbelievable. I could have stood there all day. To catch a few shots with that light, has carried me for a few days now. It is a feeling of being totally overwhelmed. It scares and delights me...

think differently...

2011-10-25T01:38:00.002-02:00

Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do...Steve Jobs

Some are lifelong members of this club. Some try to join but figure out, really fast, they are not cut out for it. Some would think that belonging to this club, was about the worse thing one could hope to achieve.

To think different and acknowledge it, is the beginning of acceptance and the end of beating oneself up. Whatever end of the spectrum you find yourself, embrace it and see where it leads. You might be happily surprised...

follow the light...

2011-10-24T01:31:00.000-02:00

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free

Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
and get yourself free...Paul Simon.

At any given time, we are looking to untangle ourselves from a person, place or thing. A thought, a philosophy or a fear. It might be because of a addictive behavior, it may be low self esteem or it maybe that we don't think we deserve, better.

Whatever demon you are facing, get yourself free today. Whatever that looks like to you. You have been dogpaddling for way too long. Sing the song and head for the light...

pink glove dance...

2011-10-23T01:24:00.002-02:00

If it is October, it is Pink Glove Dance Month.

A few years ago, it started with one video and now, two years later the PGD explosion of fun and pink. People have given their time and talents to make something that is not fun, into a celebration. Spend some time on You Tube and watch some of the entries. They will make you smile, tap your feet and probably be singing before it is all over.

There is no better way to say you care, than to dance. Thanks to everyone for making these videos, a wonderful memory of those Near and Far...

melting ice...

2011-10-20T00:37:00.001-02:00

Time is like thin ice. Our days are spent living like ants in a mound, collecting our substance to survive the winter; to retire in comfortable plaid pants, blue socks, and golf shoes. All the while, the ice is melting, thin and slick. We don’t notice it until struck with tragedy. We or a friend are mangled in a car wreck, and we reflect on how fragile the whole thing isDonald Miller.

I don't get to say the Pledge of Allegiance much anymore. When you get older, it doesn't play a part in many of the activities we frequent. I look forward to the grand's sports because I know that every time, we start the same way. More often, we are still on the field when the next set of games start and I get to say it again. It is not just saying it but noticing those around me at mostly, their very best. Hats come off and for a few Moments, we are all on the same page. I can only imagine the multitude of thought going through the minds of those whose hand on their hearts may be there to hold in pain. Some know the cost of freedom because they have paid a greater price.

Melting ice. What does it look like in your life? Are you aware of it?

The ice is melting, thin and slick...

Truly hope you have a fabulous day...

nothing but the truth...

2011-10-19T00:16:00.001-02:00

It is Something that takes years of experience, working in the background until is is a part of you. The only thing you know is that when you smell it, you instantly know what it is. It is not the scent of one who casually drinks but one who had made alcohol a career. I never know where to expect it and it has shown up at some pretty unlikely places on some pretty unlikely people.

From one in the clergy in a church setting to a family barbeque. You smell it first. Then, you see who it belongs too. It is a skill that no one would ever ask for. It will change you each time, you get a whiff of it and your view of the one to whom it is attached. It will not be a good feeling. There may be a sense of gloom, knowing what it took to someone to get to this place. This is not the beginning, this is much closer to the end.

In the case of the One who has hung his star on Jesus, he has admitted to battling alcohol addiction to the present day. It happened more than 10 years ago in a college chapel setting. It was the last night of a 3 night lecture series. I had heard him speak a few times before and was completely enamored with this man of faith. Lecture was over, I had brought my copy of his favorite book and while not one to care about having an author signature, decided to go for it. He was all by himself as I walked up to him, sitting at the table, looking out toward the window. I smelled it before I was within 3 feet of him. He had no idea. I couldn't speak so I just opened my book and he signed it. No expression, no words. The smell had solidified for both of us. I walked away, stunned. He looked back at the window.

In what will be his last book, he now admits what I already knew. The side of heaven, there are things in our lives that are fluid. Good and bad.

I am not measured by the good I do but by the grace I accept...BManning.

The truth, nothing but the truth...

if loving you is wrong, I don't want to be right...

2011-10-18T00:04:00.001-02:00

There are two reasons to look so forward to going to the pumpkin patch - taking pictures of my wonderful family in a beautiful fall setting... and these mini donuts. It was Day 4 of my sugar purge and I honestly totally forgot. I had several of these babies in my mouth when my girl asked me what's up. Like to say I didn't partake of anymore but that would not be the honest truth. Would make for a great Story, one of being brave and honorable. Again, not in the cards.

Almost made the same mistake the following morning, Day 5. Miss M asked me what kind of muffin I wanted - chocolate or poppy seed? Did she even have to ask? I will take chocolate even when that is not one of the choices. Dip in in chocolate chips and get back to me. Not remembering is not as much as sign of senility as it is lack of commitment to said purge.

As I saw thinking about this this morning, all the diets I have been on. Most of them, very successful. Diets are not the problem. You could lose weight eating only Subway sandwiches, like Jared did. I am convinced that 95% of all diets work just like 95% of all people who lose weight, regain it back. The sense of accomplishment is coming from the wrong place and that is why we fail.

So this is what I am thinking now. Day 6. Giving up the 21 day get Sugar out of my body diet. Giving it up today. If I want it, I am going to eat it. If I want a frozen yogurt when I make my Costco run, so be it. I am not on a diet, never will be again. deal with it.

I am saying it here and now, I will never diet again and here is why. If I am interested in being healthy, then I won't eat that yogurt. If I am interested in being with my kids and grandkids, I will watch what I eat. When I get the losing weight thing out of my head and eat differently not for weight loss, or fitting into insertSIZEhere jeans but because I want to hang out a big longer, when my motivation changes, then and only then, will I be successful on an ongoing basis.

This is not going to be an easy thing to do. To change my perception. With each bite, I have to ask why. I have to be honest with myself and tell the truth. From this day forward, I am choosing to take each bite for the health of it. If I choose to stuff M&M's in my face, I am choosing to climb off the wagon for reasons less honorable than a jean size.

There must be a Reason why my 60th birthday is on Black Friday. Quite honestly, one would hope that by this age, most demons would be under some kind of control. I can tell you, that is not the case. They are here forever. How you deal with them is up to you. I don't know how well this new thought process is going to work but I am going to see if I am barking up the right tree. Always the student...

Thank you Mr C...

2011-10-17T00:31:00.001-02:00

It has been a while, perhaps Mother's Day since I have been at church.

Not mad about anything. With DH surgery, then ER visit,then the discovery that I love listening to PJ sermons, late in the night. When it is quiet and dark. It seems to be the perfect time to settle in and listen, really listen. The introvert in me doesn't miss the human interaction although I understand the power of being together.

This midnight ritual is my new normal. I knew Something would have to encourage me to get out of my rut. I was in church this morning and it is all because of Bill.

Watched Bill Cunningham New York on Netflix last week. A fascinating documentary about this fashion street photographer that has his won way of doing things and is mostly, revered by everyone. Certainly, the fashion community adores him and at 80 Something, he still photographs and writes for the New York Times.

At the end of the film, they start to ask some personal questions about love and relationships. While admitting that everyone has needs, he eludes the question they are asking him. I think he answers, with no answer. He goes on to say, he goes to church every week. Not something you expected to hear.

Every Sunday

He was raised that way even though he admitted that he spent most of his time, studying woman's hats. Even though, he no longer has to, his parents are long gone but he does, nonetheless.

Every Sunday

I went this morning to find what he is seeing.
I went to church this morning because of Bill.
Thank you Mr C, for your eye. Because of what you see, you encouraged me, to look harder and try to find more...

Not sure I found it this morning, but I will keep looking...

the pumpkin patch...

2011-10-16T10:35:00.002-02:00

So, after you have hit the petting zoo, rode a pony, eaten those toDIEfor mini donuts, the biggest deal of the day is finding the perfect pumpkin. The one that says, This is me in all my fall glory.

First you decide where to get off the long hay wagon. You don't want to get off at the first stop because that is where everyone gets off and the pumpkin selection is not at it's best. There are some very nice ones but this is the easiest place to look and you want to be more forward thinking.

Down The Road, you see the perfect jump off stop. How do you know? You spot a white pumpkin, then you see a gourd or two. There is no fixed plan other that to wander around, in no particular pattern, searching for just the right one. Sometimes you think you have found it, but you really haven't. You delay gratification for a bit longer, knowing that deep down inside, it is not time, just yet.

And then, there it is. There is no second guessing, This is the One. Even as you haul it back to the designated home pumpkin base, you never look back. You carry it back onto the hay wagon to be dropped off at the scales. You proudly look on with a bit of spring in your step as the pumpkin attendant weighs your glorious find.

It is yours and yours alone, to carry to the car. From there, this short term relationship is forged and for the next few weeks, you are the best of buds. Ah, nice to know Some Things never change...

day 61...

2011-10-12T23:56:00.005-02:00

Fall is finally here, the 90 degree days are gone and leaving a long sleeved Something in the car, because you never know when you might need it. This Saturday is the last day of football for Gage. Except for the weather, I could watch him for forever. This was his first year playing football and no one loves football, more than this kid. He will have to live vicariously calling Kellen Moore's plays for now, and when the BSU football season is over, he will turn to Madden 2 through 12 on the TV, just like he did all summer.

Season
1.A part of a year when something particular happens.

There are also seasons of life, clothes, food. Potato salad doesn't taste the same in winter. A sweater in August would make one feel very uncomfortable. Look at your life - see how it follows the seasons. The more years we have, the more we understand.

Imagine that, smiling, singing and snapping my fingers on Day 61. I really listened to the words to Love is Strange this time, and it suddenly dawned on me that it is natural to want to love, and be loved again, one day. As the song goes "after you've had it, you're in an awful fix". It may seem crazy to even entertain the idea of loving anyone but him again so early in the grief process, but I realized two things at that moment in the shower.

For one, I'll always be grieving for Mikey. I will never be okay with him dying. This is not how our story was supposed to end. We were supposed to grow old together, see our babies off to college and celebrate our silver wedding anniversary.

But he is gone. This is one variable I can't change or control. I must simply accept that it is, and remember that the moments of sadness are unpredictable. There is no handbook for grief, and no two grieving experiences are alike. It is virgin territory for everyone that embarks on this path. So long as I remember that the sad moments often come out of nowhere, and sometimes with a vengeance, then I can keep an open mind about the future.

Then I also realized if a song about love could make me smile uncontrollably, and get me dancing in the shower, then there is hope for my heart. It is meant to love, and have that love returned, again one day.

So, yes, love is strange. And wonderful. And heartbreaking. But without it, life just isn't worth living.

I choose life.

Jennie lost her husband quite unexpectedly now, 65 days ago. She is a food blogger whose words now are intermiggled with this season of her life that she never saw coming. For Jennie and her girls (injenniekitchen.com), this Season is one they wish they never had to experience. Day 61 gives me hope. For Jennie, for all of us...

Whatever the Season looks like you to you now, whether a Season of Song or a Season of Grief - remember it won't last forever. Jump in the leaves if you can and if not, anticpate the days you will be able to again...

the victim card...

2011-10-12T00:12:00.002-02:00

Let's be real here. We have all, at one time or another,insert offense here, played the victim card. Will go out on a limb and further pronounce, it might not be our finest moment. Seems like when we get me focused, we always seem to take, a few emotional steps, backwards.

We all have pity parties. Whenever we feel like, woe is me. Either self-inflicted or feeling like we have been wronged. Once we start down that slippery slope. most of us are doomed to at the very least, a few minutes of self-indulgence. Complete with verbal volleyball on the hows and whys. We feel it like we were a six year old, again.

Sometimes, accompanied with a huge pile of snacks. Other times we are too crazed to eat and tantrums and tears are the place we find ourselves. We want someone to carry us, no longer able to face life, on our own two feet.

One would hope, the older you get - the better you get. That the parties are farther and farther apart because you understand the nature of being a victim. You give yourself and others, less and less opportunity to sting your heart. Only cry over Something once, then never again. You may cry over many things but once experienced, cry only once. Learn and grow.

On a 21 day semi-sugar cleanse that I saw on Pinterest. From today until Halloween. This is day 1 and it is not going well. Seeing a party in my future but refuse to have it on the first day, but when I do, will pull out the card and the sugar-free treats, and one time, will let it fly...

grab and go...

2011-10-11T00:44:00.001-02:00

It's the middle of the night, you wake up and the fire alarm is going off, this time it isn't the battery. You realize you have a few Moments to get yourself out the door, to safety.

Let's suppose, everyone is out and you have a few minutes to gather some things from the house, what are you going grab?

I imagine we have all had this conversation with ourselves and maybe even have devised some kind of plan but with all of that set aside, what would you really look to save? Used to think I would grab all my photo albums, now I know it would be better to grab the external hard drive with all my photos on it. Always knew that trying to grab my desktop tower would be unrealistic so, my revised plan would be to grab my iPad.

I have never been in a fire and imagine that those who have, could bring better expertise to this table, but perhaps, it may be a good thing to update our mental plan. We can now go to the cloud with our memories and that would free us up and give us time, to grab Something else. Maybe a prepacked suitcase with favorites collected when time was not an issue.

Wouldn't be a bad idea to use the same kind of planning for the things that go on in our head. Not sure I am prepared for that conversation, what stays - what goes. The older I get, the more I see that as a Real Possiblity, but if I do have a choice, I hope I choose well...

defend...

2011-10-09T01:38:00.003-02:00

We really don't think too much about those who defend our country, until it hits close to home. Those who give their lives so we can continue to enjoy all the freedoms we have come to think of as, our due. A few weeks ago, this soldier from our town, paid the ultimate sacrifice and someone doesn't want us to forget that. Thank you, Mr Dyas.

We defend our spouses, our children. We defend our choices, great and small. Defending is an honorable human quality. It shows that we are loyal, and we care.

Defend - to ward off, to repel, to prevent, to keep, to prohibit, to forbid, to guard.

Associated with humans by humans, for humans. When it comes to God, perhaps defending is not only not appropriate but maybe, very inappropriate.

God doesn't need us defending him, he can speak for himself. He wants our Love, not our protection. When we start to defend him, we are bringing him down to a human level. If you want to honor him, be thankful for what you have. If you want to help him, let him into your life. Leave the defending to those we honor for honor's sake, for those who in this life, are making the ultimate sacrifices. Defend them hard and fierce. God can take a punch and is fully capable of taking care of himself, do him a favor and let him do his thing...

the apple of His eye...

2011-10-06T01:17:00.006-02:00

What is Apple, after all?" Jobs mused to Time. "Apple is about people who think 'outside the box

The day after Steve Jobs announced that when it was time to step down, he would, there was a photo of him that showing why. Looking like the shell of a man, he even was in June at his last Apple appearance, you could tell, his days were few. Every morning, with that photo in the back of my mind - I would scour the news. Yesterday was no different. After a coffee date, I cruised a few Places and then, started doing other things. A few hours later when DH got home and asked if I knew, I immediately knew what he was talking about.

I sat stunned for a while, this man had single-handedly invented the way I was made to hear music. A song library of my choosing, adding to it every week. His talent was beyond anything I had ever witnessed. You add Pixar to the mix, and I am pass, wow. A bit later, when I had composed myself, I couldn't help but thinking about Steve meeting Jesus. I have a feeling when Steve came to the realization where this wonderful outside the box mentality came from, he was a changed man. With the Apple days behind him, he can now just be himself. Edison, Ford and Jobs - imagine that roundtable

RIP Steve Jobs, thank you...

lighthouse...

2011-10-06T01:01:00.001-02:00

My basic nature is not one of a lighthouse. I like to help, even over help and...I am good at it.

There is quite a bit wrong with that one sentence. even I can see that. Even if we are good at Something, doesn't mean we should do it, each and every time. While it comes in handy, it can also be one's undoing.

Using it wisely is a life long battle. Do I want to feel good about myself at the cost of doing harm, maybe even irreparable harm?? It is not only possible, but deep down or eventually, we know it.

Think of the lighthouse. It is an absurd thought to think of a lighthouse, chasing some down. We know it is not possible, and really stupid...yet, we seem to think, it is for us. True, we are not made of thousands of pounds of wood and rock and a lighthouse that moves is impossible to fathom because even somethings are. I want to be a lighthouse, a real one. One that doesn't move, that is my dream.

spending...

2011-10-04T00:03:00.002-02:00

1950 -- household budget/Per Time magazine

Food 22%
Housing 13%
Clothing 10%
Health care 3%
Financial/Ins 3%

2010

Food 7%
Housing 18%
Clothing 3%
Health Care 16%
Financial/Ins 8%

Naturally, we would expect that life changes. It seems that things are changing faster now than ever before. What happened between 1950 and 2000 is nothing compared to 2011 to now, would be my guess.

Have read a few things about life being better in the 1950's. fAmilies could take vacations, grownups were working 40 hour weeks and most everyone owned a home. You expected to stay with one company for your years and retire in a comfortable manner.

That would not be the expectations of a 30something person today. They are told to expect at least 13 job changes in their lifetime. As you can see from the chart above, right after housing, their biggest expense will be health care. Never saw that coming.

One of the up sides is technology. We have had 3 sleepover in the last three weeks and they all end up, the same way. Just before bedtime, we call mommy and daddy and siblings on the iPad and say, Goodnight. Even the dog gets in on the action. It is a wonderful time of laughter, I love you's and goodnights. Some things change for the better, think I will focus on those...

There are Places I remember...

2011-10-03T01:41:00.000-02:00

We all have Places that make us happy, and as with all Places, there are also some that we associate with dark and scary. The key is not to know the difference but to understand that they are just Places and don't give them more power and emotions that will affect and potentially be life changing...unless it would be a wonderful thing to do so.

fluidity, rather than viscidity

2011-10-02T02:00:00.003-02:00

<
Fluidity - the state of being fluid rather than vicsous.
Viscidity - having a thick, sticky consistency between solid and liquid, an adhesive quality/Wiktionary.

This explains quite a bit to me on a personal level. As I have aged, it has been more and more difficult to make friends, my own age. It was at a church ladies retreat, many years ago that a flash-in-the-pan response changed it all.

Gear down 10 years... She told me to find friends that were 10 years younger. On the outside, it may not seem very profound, but it changed my life. Call it immature or refusal to grow up, I have had a very hard time getting along with people my own age. Nothing in common and my basic refusal to gear down or take on the activities that I just can't bring myself to do.

In conversation with a good friend last week, it occured to me that the answer may in in being fluid versus viscous. The definition certainly fits the feelings I have experienced. Maybe more than any other time in our lives, as we age - if we are flexible, pliable and willing to be, we may find outselves - on our own.

Don't do that, leave it for the young people... was told this month while trying to clean up and load the car. I did not comply.

There is going to be a bigger and bigger cost as I buck those who share my season of life. Gearing down was one of the best things I have ever done. As I match on, my banner raised high, waving the in the wind says, This Girl Runs On Fluidity. They may have to go home and dust off the dictionary to explain it but I would gladly teach them how to Google...

close your eyes...

2011-09-29T01:33:00.003-02:00

When I see this, it reminds me that we were made to move. We were made to feel the sun on our face, the wind in our hair, the wet between our toes.

To close our eyes is to be able to dream, to imagine, to use our imagination. It is Something we need to do all of our lives, not just when we are children.

It says, it is well with my soul. Not that the checkbook is full of money, everyone is healthy or that we have the best neighbors in the world. It means that despite what is not going well in our lives, we are grateful for having a life. We understand that the sum may come out tomorrow and we are ready. If it doesn't, maybe the day after that, or the next day. That life is a series of emotions that run hot and cold. Nothing last forever, the good or the bad. Change is constant and if the glass is completely empty, it will not stay that way forever.

It means we have the ability within us, to close our eyes and imagine ourselves in a new way. In a new place, with a new mindset. All we have to do is close our eyes...

ode to being a girl...

2011-09-28T03:42:00.003-02:00

It occurred to me that being a girl is Something that has always fascinated and frightened me. Always.

Am in awe of my grandgirl and how she handles her brothers. She can be as girly as they come, with loads of pretty bows in her hair, an outfit that she has put together that is too cha cha and smack a brother like he was shark bait. Nothing they do phases her. She talks about their bathroom habits with much disdain, too much for her delicate self. If all else fails, she can scream like no one's business.

Look at the females in your life. There has to be some strong women that have captured your respect for a variety of reasons. There is Something about a good woman that makes each of us know, it is possible. The kind of woman, we would like to be, Someday. There may also be women in your life that make you want to run in the opposite direction. It's ok, we learn from them too.

When a woman is good, she is the apple of her people's eye. If she can be trusted, she is worth more than gold. A woman is not loved in a vacuum but because her loved has been lived out and felt by others. Covet those in your life who make you feel that way. Love them, adore them and model yourself after them. Be the best woman you can be, a gift to your family that money can't buy...

Instagram...

2011-09-27T01:01:00.001-02:00

Last October, we launched Instagram live in the App Store. Today, less than one year later, we’re happy to announce that the Instagram community now consists of over 10 million registered users.

As we prepare to celebrate our first year in the App Store, we’d like to extend our thanks to each and every one of the ten million folks who have taken the time to participate in Instagram by sharing small moments of life through gorgeous mobile photos.

Sincerely,
The Instagram Team photo and statement via Internet and Blurb.

In less than a year, there are 10 million people who have changed the way they see and photograph the world. Quite an accomplishment, if you ask me.

I knew Instagram was a big deal. A few weeks ago, there was a post on Twitter about shooting a whole wedding on a iPhone. The book maker, Blurb, also saw the potential of offering us the ability to make Instragram books. It may be passing fad. In 10 years, would you still think having your wedding shot on a mobile phone a great idea? Maybe so.

My wedding photos now look like they were shot in Instagram. In shades of yellow, green - they look like the original 1970 photos that they are. If you are looking to save money, you could not find a better option. The iPhone 5 is on its way with better resolution that could just make it a option for those, not quite outside the box. While there will always be a need for a professional photographer, the digital age has taken quite a chunk out of the their business and continues to chip away at their livelihood. When the times get tough, the tough play a new game.

It is amazing to see how fast our lives are changing from day to day. Congrats Instagram, you have changed the way we think and these days, that seems to be a good thing...

soy sauce...

2011-09-26T02:24:00.003-02:00

It has always been this way. I could eat Mexican food every night, DH would choose Chinese. Chinese is ok, but there was always Something about it that made me hold back.

DH has been perfecting his cooking skills and I want to help him as much as possible, Unfortunately for me, he is all about the Chinese thing. He got himself a wok, a few cookbooks but mainly has been figuring out his own thing. After trying to like and encourage his new-found hobby, my enthusiasm has been less than honest. Tonight, that all changed.

He started to make my meal and as I watched him gather his ingredients, I spotted the soy sauce. Please make mine without the soy sauce, I asked. In the midst of his sea of bottles and jars, that one stuck out. I never use soy sauce, never liked the smell. Would soon discover, I didn't like the taste.

I had the best Chinese meal I have ever had tonight. The only wrong with it was that it was gone too soon. I could eat the meal I had tonight, every night. One change made a mountain of difference.

In light of changing one thing, the natural progression that occured to me was, what other soy sauces are in my life? By making one change, what could go to whatever to stunning? Are we able to pick them out or do we just have to be brave and stumble upon them. Wish it weren't so but I believe it is the later. Getting ready to be open to more stumbling...

The roar of the crowd......

2011-09-25T09:01:00.003-02:00

Nothing quite like a day of tailgating at a college football game. New experience but with 90 degree weather that lasted well into the evening, it was crazy good. The people watching, good food, a sea of blue and orange and what appears to be the friendliest people in the world. Almost 7 hours of doing not much of anything and not feeling guilty.

As the sun started to set and with our team in little danger of falling behind, the nice man next to us, shared his TV and those of us who chose to hang around our home away from home, still got to see our team, do what they do best. This time, with roar.

Since my football experience so far, has only been taught by TV, the roar of the crowd was Something I didn't see coming. The first time I heard it, I could feel myself just getting the Fever. Now I understand. It is one place where the crowd mentality is a Wonderful thing. Every time the roar came, all I could do was smile, I couldn't help myself. Those combined voices, in a football frenzied unison, can do what less than 20,000 people, can not. If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a stadium full of people to roar the roar.

In a month when the weather turns bitter cold, not sure...ok, pretty sure, my romantic feelings would not survive, but for that crowd, they are die hard fans and that is exactly what makes the roar. Those dedicated to their team, no matter what...

warm and fuzzy...

2011-09-22T14:04:00.002-02:00

These days, you can check your social FB account and learn quite a bit about yourself. Of course, there is a tier system. Family, close friends, acquaintances, those suggested that you might like, but they all have one thing in common. They are on your list.

For whatever reason, you have allowed them, in. You allowed they to see every comment, every photo, every political view, every religious view and any other thoughts that have popped in your head while you were close to a keyboard. Sharing likes, peddling wares, being invited to events. We spend little-much time reading, responding, posting and sharing. It is exhausting.

But not everyone is into the whole Like me mode. Must admit, I would have guessed myself to be a non-FB person. It kind of started out on a whim with me threatening to pull my account every day for a long, long time. Then it seemed like a good thing to do. To learn new technology, to keep up with life, I stay, but there are days...

I feel like this guy. In the middle of shops on a very busy street in Oregon, I imagine he has no FB account. Makes you wonder what he is doing that could make his business take a back seat. I wanted to call him and buy Something just because I liked his ethic. Warm and fuzzy in a different way. I like that. I resemble that. Sometimes it is easier dealing with a computer screen that Real People. If I ever go back, I am going to give him a call and see what his deal is. There is a Story there and without making a lifelong commitment, I could find out what it is and that, my friends, make make me more warm and fuzzyer...

growing like a weed...

2011-09-21T00:06:00.004-02:00

My neighbor's yard. When you come out my front door and look immediately to your right, this is what you see. It didn't look like this, the beginning of summer but it mirrors his life. In fact, it is perfect for him, right now.

By no means is my yard, weed free. There is Morning Glory growing in one of my little rock gardens. It borders my neighbor's and his MG has now, jumped the imaginary property line with disastrous results, for me.

Once a week I go out when I check the mail and clear out the pesky plants on my side. Can't spray weed killer because he has a little bush, right on the property line. There is no Place where his plants and my plants are separate. It is all one big mess. Pulling his is an option that would take a big commitment as it has had all summer to grow, and is everywhere. I know what his summer has been like, there is no energy or value in weed pulling.

Do we have weeds in our lives? And if we do, do we notice them before they get completely out of control? Like an unattended yard, does life have to be great and happy for us to notice them? I have watched this particular weed all summer. From a distraction to watching it wrap itself around and try to strangle the life out of a plastic hose holder.

Think it is safe to say that most of the time, when there are overgrown weeds - there is something going on. Something not quite right. Something that says, I don't care and that, the feeling is growing like a weed. If you live next door to them, just keep the faith that there is hope for them ...

don't stop believing...

2011-09-20T12:47:00.000-02:00

News reports have a celebrity Housewives woman running off with the lead guy of the band Journey. Her husband reported her as missing, all the while - she had moved on and didn't tell him. Except for the didn't tell him part, there is a part of me that gets it.

What is the old adage, True Love never runs smooth? The older I get the more I believe that this Over The Top feeling happens to people and they can either fight it and fight it with all they have...or they can give in. Call it chemistry, fireworks or whatever, we have seen it time and time again. Like Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie, Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe - sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't but in the Moment, it is as real as real can be.

Now this couple. Apparently, they have known each other for years. He just got married in July. We will never really know what happened but suffice it to say, they have made their decision and looks like they are on the road, together.

My SIL and grandson just saw this Journey tour in SLC in July. What is not to Love? With my and DH dream job being a roadie for our band of choice, couple that with a bit of uncontrolled Love and boy, one sees how this could happen. I warned DH when we got married the only men he had to fear me running away with were the Hostess and Coke truck drivers. They would be the ones I would be most attracted to and likely to run off with. It has been almost 40 years and I am still here but I get it that in a heartbeat, that could all change in an instant. Never think it couldn't happen to you...don't stop believing...

Michael McDonald...less

2011-09-19T14:00:00.005-02:00

Under the stars, in a fabulous venue - concert night. Michael McDonald and Boz Scaggs. The anticipation had been growing for months. A birthday gift for DH and I, from our kids.

With Grandma Sue in charge for the evening, we headed out. Seats in place, snacks in had - ready, set, go. Boz Scaggs hit the stand and the crowd was properly, uncontained. This was definitely the Geezer crowds nite with a few young ones, thrown in for good measure. The visual alone, was worth the price of the ticket.

After an unusally long set, Michael McDonald hits the stage, thanking us for our patience and saying stuff like, I know you came to hear me but I will make it up to you and you will hearing alot from Boz tonite. It still didn't dawn on me that we would not be hearing, Takin It To The Streets, sung by Mr Golden Voice. I was stunned. As was the audience. They bravely tried to act like they were fine with the whole change in plans but looking around, many were leaving. They went on to play 3 songs and then abruptly, ended the concert. They explained that MM was advised under doc's orders, not to preform...and just like that, we are on our way home.

Thinking back on last night, with the wide collection of people, the one thing that stands out is that music moves people. Everyone there last night was there for the music. Obviously fo rmany, they way they felt in their youth. For the less than Geritol group, it seemed so natural, like they have been doing it their whole lives. We were all there for the same reason, and it felt so good.

Life isn't fair. We all know it but when it happens to us, it is a different matter. Sometimes the unfairness is disappointment, sometimes it is much worse. A small thing in comparision to Real Life but MM said he was going to make it up to us - can't wait to see what he has in mind...

get ready to rumble...

2011-09-18T02:25:00.005-02:00

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson told his “700 Club” viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s is justifiable because the disease is “a kind of death.”

“I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her,” Robertson said.

Fall is finally starting to make an appearance around these parts. Over night, the weather went from summer to not, summer. The skies turned gray, the sun disappeared and the rain came. Just like that, summer was over.

let's get ready to rumble... we all know that means football, here you come but I think you could make a case for a bigger life lesson.

Life is a big rumble. We don't know what specifically is coming, most of the time. Our lives can change in a minute. The sun can be gone in an instant and the dark skies move in, seeming to dig in for the long haul. No promises, no whistle blowing, no ref calling the shots.

I will not say what ran through my mind when I first heard this but yes, it does rhyme with cupid. I once worked with a man who when his wife got sick, packed her and her stuff up and left her on her mother's front porch. As you could imagine, it was difficult to be nice to him.

This has nothing to do with Jesus. There are legit reasons to leave a spouse but late in life, onset sickness isn't one of them. We are always hearing Stories of couples who have had a tragedy before their wedding and they go on to honor the commitment they made. They are the Real Thing. The Road less traveled. What PR is talking about is people behaving badly. If this is your mindset, you are headed for a heap of trouble throughout your life. Get ready to rumble in Real Life, in the long run - it will make you the best you, you can be.

makes me want to pray...

2011-09-15T00:10:00.001-02:00

The football game started and ended with prayer. Don't often see this in sports but you do here. We often think that prayer has rules, it doesn't.

How, when, the amount of minutes, what you are wearing, if your mind wanders, all those things don't matter. No certain verbage or order mater. If you are of the persuasion that throw up prayers in time of trouble, that's ok but you are the one missing out. Like anything else, if you only do something when you are in panic mode, lots of time you forget to ask the important stuff.

Yesterday morning, we were asked to pray for a family in our church who had a missing pilot and passenger, who did not return from a scheduled flight. The news kept us updated during the search and when, in the late afternoon, the plane was found, there was still no information of survivors. An hour or so later, the news that there were no survivors was made official.

How does one pray? Do you try to bargain your way out? Scream so loud on the inside that your head throbes? Or is this the time to try to find some peace, no matter what the outcome? None of these is right or wrong. I dare say that there were many different prayers sent up in this situation and all were in service to the One, loved by us all.

For me, prayer is not just about asking for things. It is a state of being. It is learning to live in the Moment, no matter how painful it is. To look the Present, straight in the eye, and keep the Panics at bay.

I used to hate prayer. You must get up an hour before everyone else, here is your list of do's and don'ts. If you fall asleep or your mind wanders, you are bad....
When I let all that crap go, and started to a new Road, prayer changed for me. I love it so. now. Whether I have all the time in the world, or just a few seconds - the whole experience is nothing short of joy. When I think of Keaton as a grandfather, when the sky makes me grateful or when a call comes in where courage and peace is needed...There is no place I would rather be...

one man band...

2011-09-14T06:04:00.001-02:00

Just like the guy next to me, sharing the shade, said at Arts In The Park - Anything Goes!

He has been at every AITP I have been to. He looks like a homeless guy, carrying all his belongings but actually, it is his music that he carries with him. A set up, he has obviously built with complex plans, one can't help but snicker.

His tambourine and a few other percussion instruments play when he pulls the attached strings...or, just dances. Either work and he used them both. He sings, plays and dances. The man does it all. Does he do it well? Well, Bono - he isn't.

What happens when we try to do it all? It's not a pretty sight, either. None of us were made to do it all. We each have strengths and weaknesses and we would do ourselves a disservice if we thought, otherwise. Trying to pull the strings to make everything work at the same time, works as well in Real Life as it does for a one man band. Not so much. Dollars may fill part of his guitar case, but not for the right reasons. More for the the entertainment of it all...

worship...

2011-09-13T00:34:00.001-02:00

It doesn't look the same on everyone.
There is no right or wrong way.
We see the same God in different ways,
even within the same religion.

When He is a part of you,
everything else, falls away.
All those things that seem to matter so much,
no longer do.

All our self-imposed shortcomings,
don't look so back.
All our good intentions,
don't look so good.

Just take the time to be,
present with Him.
No asking for anything,
but to be in His presence.

Be still and know that He is God.
Whether you bow down, giving your heart for the taking.
Or, look up into His beautiful face, offering everything you have.
worship Him, just worship Him...

different strokes...

2011-09-12T00:20:00.000-02:00

Less than 12 hours after leaving the Shakespeare Festival after seeing The 39 Steps with Keaton, we were on the sidelines of Gage's first football game. First play, went to Gage with a touchdown. Of course it did. This boy thinks of nothing else. Football is his life. With his dad as his team's coach, he is getting everything he needs, including learning how to be try different things even when you were made to play wide receiver. His dad is no slacker and wants his boy to be well rounded. He loves football, but understands there is more to life.

As for Keaton, he could not care less about football. His heart is with the arts, writing and now, he is in love with live theatre. Ready to buy season passes next year, hearing him laugh Friday night, was well worth the price of a ticket. The boys could not be any more different. Between everyone in the family, their individual interests are being encouraged and they could not be happier.

You wonder how 2 kids with the same parents could be so different. A wonderful book by Cynthia Tobias, The Way They Learn, is an fabulous resource for understanding how to help one understand how their different children learn and how to change the way you relate to them which in turn, helps them learn how to be the best people, they can be.

Learn not to pigeon-hole kids. Learn to go with their flow, whatever it looks like to them. To be or not to be....Run like the wind, Bulleye.

dear Keaton...

2011-09-11T02:11:00.002-02:00

We had just finished celebrating your 2nd birthday. It was a Tuesday, Grandma's Sue Tuesday, to have you. I was home, Poppa had one of those early morning shifts. Hadn't been to bed all night so when he got home about, 7am. so we both headed to bed., exhausted.

The phone rang just before 9am. It is Auntie Mel, Turn your TV on, she says. I do. The rest is history.

I remember holding you closer the next day, mommy and daddy off to work, back to just you and me. I remember thinking how this might affect you, Down the Road. Here we are, 10 years later. You now, know the Story. While you were not affected directly the way so many were, there are things you now take for granted because they have always been a part of your life.

You will never know what it is like to wait for someone at the airport gate and wave a big welcome sign for them as they get off the plane.

911, takes on a new meaning.

It define a generation, and you will want to know eventually, what your definition will look like.

It doesn't seem like 10 years ago. For you or 911 but for each of us, that day changed us forever. I fear for the 911 of your generation. Just because of technology, it would have to make ours, look like child's play. I pray that it would pass you and yours by but I know better.

When you study other unimaginable events, keep in mind, man has always been capable of anything. Don't confuse evil with God. Someday, we can ask all the questions we want but for now, we need to understand that this side of heaven, there will no peace and we will have more events like these, God help us.

This commercial, done by Budweiser, was shown only once. In tribute, not as a commercial money maker. This, my wonderful boy, is what it is all about.

We talked a bit about 911 last night on the way to the Shakespeace performance. I asked it you were taught about 911 at school. You said not much, but you have read a lot on your own. We went on to discuss being taught evolution in school to which your response was, God's version is less complicated and makes more sense. I smiled.

A few weeks ago, we were sitting at your dining room table and for no apparent reason, you looked straight at me and said, Real Men love Jesus. You said you read it on a bumper sticker. Don't forget it son, it will help on days like today...love to infinity and beyond, nana.

motivations...

2011-09-08T01:31:00.002-02:00

We make these movies to entertain ourselves and we hope that the rest of the world connects with them as much as we do. Pixar via Twitter.

I would really like to believe this to be true. Would love nothing more than to think that fame and fortune was second to creativity and art. To making others laugh, cry, or to inspire them. Have had multiple conversations about motivations this week, like parts of a puzzle - and it keeps coming back to a few basics.

For me, I am better when my motivations have no end value. Not because of money, or being hailed a hero. When it is about the art, the gesture, being kind for kind's sake. When there is no value except for just being, motivation is at its best. I would make a lousy salesman, no matter what the product. If you seeing me use said product, because there has been a relationship and there is value, that is one thing. When I am just hocking Something because I am trying to run up the assets of said product, the motivation has changed and so have I.

Doing a little rethinking which will hopefully led, to a change in the way I do life's business. Motivation is too strong an emotion to run around, unchecked. I think I have a pretty good handle of it, but need to make sure that in all areas of my life, no matter what the outcome - I can put my head on the pillow at night and know I did the right thing for the right reasons. If the motivations of our lives are running the show, we are living in some bad territory.

When life goes south, and it will...I want to be able to look in the mirror and know, I did the right thing. If I choose not to, well..that is a post for another day. My point is, you always have the choice...

school year 2011-2012...

2011-09-07T00:24:00.000-02:00

The beach is behind us and school, is upon us. Hard to think about reading, writing and arithmetic... or as Keaton says, Math - not even once (based on a meth ad here. Guess you can tell, his least favorite subject!)when the weather is going to be in the 90's for the week.

This morning, we headed out at 7am to start Keaton's 7th grade experience. The school has decided to integrate jr high with high school. Pretty sure this is a bad choice but time will tell. A quick trip to the local coffee shop to wait for the Gage to present to 3rd grade and Miss M to start her first day of 1st grade, gave us some breathing room and a bit of sugar.

By 9am, everyone was settled into their new digs for the year. Tonight, we will be Facetiming to see how the day went. The first day is so exciting, day 2 - a bit less. Good thing it is a short week.

Fall is on its way... It is a wonderful time of the year. My personal calandar starts September 1 and I was well aware of it on the Oregon Coast. What a way to start the year! It is a new beginning for all of us. Everyone is in school, DH will be retiring. New year, new changes and it all starts today...

vacation...

2011-09-06T01:10:00.006-02:00

8 of us - 3 grandparents, 2 parents, 3 kids.

1 GPS
1 iPod Nano
1 PSP
3 iPod Shuffles
3 DS
3 iPads
3 laptops
4 video players
5 phones
7 cameras
14 sets of earphones.
luggage, backpacks, purses.
2 cars, completely loaded.

When we stepped into the front room of our house on the beach,I felt it. A few nights later, I had time to feel it again. Going on vacation is more of a emotion than being in a particular place. Some times, vacations are not really, vacations. Disguised as family reunions with a lot of have to's, while these may happen away from home, they are not vacations.

Even doing dishes and a bit of cooking, this was a true vacation. We obviously had our electronics with us and need more. Note to self, 3 iPads are not enough. Even with everything we brought, the ocean called to us on a regular basis and we, responded in kind. We spent quality time together, and had to place to be at any particular time. We fell into bed each night, very little chit chat and were ready to go again, every morning. Vacation, true vacation, reminds you that while your Real Life is waiting back home - that for now, this is your Real Life and to live it fully. Run, dance, smell the air. We all did that and so much more...

wonder and amazement...

2011-08-25T13:42:00.002-02:00

I have always said if there ever came a day when I could no longer meet my duties and expectations as Apple’s CEO, I would be the first to let you know. Unfortunately, that day has come.I hereby resign as CEO of Apple. Steve Jobs

As I headed for the grocery side of Costco, went through the electronics isle and where the former HP tablet had been, after being put out to pasture in seven weeks, was the newest replacement, what ever it was. As I glanced over to take a better look, this 20 ish year old man, had one in his hand, contemplating making the purchase. It was still over $400 and I couldn't help myself...

You are going to be disappointed, just get the iPad...I know, he said.

Steve Jobs was asked how much marketing and consumer research he did in anticipation of his I line. He replied, None. His greatness is not in giving us what we want but what we didn't even know was possible. I couldn't have thought up the Nano, Shuffle or iPad if I had a million years. I knew that buy albums when I just wanted songs was a Big Deal but in all my years, never saw this product coming. I have shed tears while listening to my iDevices, I am not proud to say but only because I love them so.

Reminds me of the way that God works. We think we know best when in reality, we don't have a clue. If I only had this, if only I weighed this, or drove this or lived in this. That and please protect my family from all harm is about all we've got. He is about so much more than this and we would do ourselves a bit more justice to remember that.

Last night, Twitter was all ablaze with Steve Job's announcement. It was almost like, he had already, passed away. With his gaunt appearance in June, that is easily understood. Whatever time he has left, I hope he and his, spend every precious moment together. Mr Jobs, thank you for what you have taught us. May God bless you now. may your days be rich, filled with light and love...

Off to a little R&R with my kiddoes. Going to hit the beach, and have a blast. Have a great week, Labor Day and will see you September 7! Love zalaine.

outside...

2011-08-24T01:54:00.001-02:00

Have to say I am not much of an outdoorsie person. When I get out, I love it but is takes quite a bit to make that happen.

There are things, however, that makes me deliriously happy and will even get to jump out of a moving car. Crop dusters - can't get enough of them. Now, those big outdoor farm sprinklers are my new love.

They are mammoth in size. Seem to go on forever. There is Something very romantic about misting water and a long line of sculpted, circular metal. Huge, usually in the middle of no where. Like they were dropped there by aliens. Have never seen a human moving them, or anywhere near them, for that matter.

I have taken photos of them in the dead of winter, but summer is my favorite. I can linger without suffering the elements and there is a smell of green that lingers for a while. When I first got into photography, it was all about people. Now, it is about sprinklers, crop dusters and people. There is a lesson in there Somewhere and can only imagine, that when I learn it - I will only use the power for good...

goals, the long and short of it...

2011-08-23T15:01:00.000-02:00

There is a reason to have short and long term goals. They serve completely different purposes. Getting them mixed up could bring bad results.

For instance, losing weight. If one is working at weight loss as a short-term goal, you have a 95% change of failure. That is what the experts say, I would guess higher. Some things just demand being in for the long haul. Would you ever put marriage or parenthood in the short term World? Most of us would not, I know those who have and again, the results were disastrous.

Watched my first episode of Extreme Couponing on accident last week. Another branch in the family of addiction, that is why they call it extreme. Yes, you can save lots of money. Hoarding at Albertson. Getting your fix at the Piggly Wiggly. Addiction is addiction, no matter what color dress it wears. Yes, it is nice to have a month's supply of toilet paper, but to buy 73 bottles of mustard at one time to add to the 50 some you already have. When is enough, enough?

It is not a bad idea to list your goals and make sure they are in the right place. Make sure that having these goals are not only right for you but in their proper place so they can be given the attention needed to make them happen.

Do I have anything in the short term cart that needs to be put in the long term basket? As a matter of fact, I did. Made a course correction, and off I go. Will probably have to make more, guaranteed. Looking at the list in front of me today, I am good to go. If the phone rings and I have to go...I will be ready for that too. Always leave room for the unexpected...always.

2am...

2011-08-22T00:38:00.001-02:00

I have never felt anything like this...

The minute he said that, I knew it was a kidney stone. He had never had one, I have.

When he finally decided that I may be right, we headed to the hospital. Good thing we only live a few miles away and a better thing that the ER was quiet. It is usually not. Saturday night is the big Party Night in any town, and ours is no different. The pace would pick up in a few hours but for now, he got his 2 hits of morphine and waited to be taken for a CT scan. Later, the scan would confirm what me, and the nurse already knew. A couple of kidney stones and a infection to boot.

In between all the tests, I amused myself listening to the staff talk about how quiet is was. Very unusual, they kept telling me. A bit later, the phone rang and it was the hospital down the road that had seen 8 assaults so far. They also had a guy who ran out of the ER gushing blood and told this ER, if he showed up, call 911.

Later on, a man came in who had 2nd degree burns when he got hit with hot oil. My ears perked up because DH sister company in our town, is the only place that he couldn't have come from. DH heard them and when his nurse came back, he ask his name. This man of mine has obviously never heard of HIPAA and she told him if she told him, she would have to kill him. Loved her.

By a little after 7AM, we had hit the all night pharmacy and were home. Still nauseated, he took all his pills and hit the sheets. I stayed up a while to reflect on the night. You never know what will happen, you never know where you might go. For most of life, you do not get a heads up. Wish it was so. New day, new experiences. Hopefully, today's fare will be a bit more fun...

nine...

2011-08-21T02:25:00.006-02:00

It was nine years ago today, that this Little Man made his way into our lives. He had a hard time getting here. It was a rough month. His grandmother died few weeks before he arrived and his great-grandmother would suffer a tragic stroke, that would change her life forever. Still, he persevered and now, we know why.

We have had nine years to get to know him and who he is. He is too smart for his own good, and we are learning how to channel all this energy and smarts into something, hopefully that will be of use to him Someday.

He is polite, loving, specific, and self-confident. He loves football, rock and roll, shrimp, and talking. Spend some time with him and you will start questioning most things you believe. He can ask questions for hours. Good questions, questions that matter. He believes in Jesus and has his on take on religion. Not too much he doesn't have an opinion on. He can convince you the sky is yellow.

Knowing him has been one of the greatest privileges of my life. Praying for him is a hoot. He talks fast and long, keeps me on my toes.

Happy Birthday Gage, I can't wait to see what you capture on your camera. To see the world through your lens is going to be a blast, I can't wait. Love you buddy...